Bill hated himself at the moment, and who could blame him? He had the perfect boy in the palm of his hands, and he just squashed his trust. Is there even a way to come back after lying? He could come clean, but then he'd have to admit that he kept this information from Stan for days. Who knows what could happens if he continues lying though? Or not lying, but withholding the truth. Either it will fade out eventually or.....it could all go to shit. Silence is not the right option, silence is never the right option. Silence is just being an accomplice to a crime you committed. Nothing good ever comes of it, it only creates more unnecessary pain.
"Can you pass me that easel?" Stan asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"Yeah." Bill quickly passed it to him before preparing things to say in his head.
Stan, you know I love you more than anyone right? Oh fuck no, way too forward and way too sudden.
Stan, you know that I really like you? Okay that's better. So Stan, the other day, June kissed me. I tried my best not to kiss her back but she left before I could really reject her and I didn't know what to do. Please know that you are everything to me and she's just a friend and the first chance I get, I'm going to tell her that we can't be together. Maybe not why but she has to know. I don't like her like that and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. Please forgive me.
Bill recited the words in his head, over and over again. He had them committed to memory. But then he decided he didn't like certain parts, too victim-y or too much pandering. So the entire process began again.
Stan, during the game last week, June kissed me. I didn't like it, at all. I just sat there like a brick, no response. But she still kissed me and I didn't tell you and I'm so sorry. I should have immediately ran to you the second it happened. I was too frozen to tell her that I didn't like her that way but I owe it to you to let her know and I promise I will the very first chance I get. You are everything to me and the kiss, really it meant nothing! I am so sorry, please forgive me babe.
Nothing was good enough. Every single word that floated through his brain was promptly ejected and replaced with another word that would also become irrelevant. He was getting absolutely nowhere! All his brain could think about was topics completely unrelated to the apology. Dark thoughts began to float through his brain, replacing his makeshift apology.
Did it really mean nothing? You did kiss her back a little. If it wasn't for Stan, maybe you would have kissed her even more. Don't ruin this Bill, it's your chance. It's finally your chance to be normal.
Bill quickly tried to ignore those thoughts, but they just kept reappearing. He needed something else to think about and forcing his brain to think about the apology seemed to be his only plausible option right now. This time, his brain obliged, but the thoughts appearing in his mind weren't any better.
You don't really need an apology. I mean she kissed you! You have nothing to be ashamed about. Plus it's not like Stan's going to find out anyways. Like come on! If you talk to her about it and how it meant nothing, it could be like it never happened. He never needs to know anything. You never know what could happen, do you really want to risk Stan hating you? Is it worth it to be 'honest'? Really is it? His thoughts made more and more sense as they overpowered his brain, the idea of an apology being pushed down to a tiny box in the corner of his brain. A loud voice was screaming for him to stop lying, but that was also quickly overtaken by just more support for the concept of sticking to his lie— or obstruction of the truth more like. So it was decided, he would not be telling Stan that June kissed him. It would only cause him more pain anyways and Bill didn't want to hurt him. This was the right choice. But if it was the right choice, why did his stomach feel so weird? Why did he have a headache?
"I'll head b-b-back to the cabin now." Bill let Stan know.
"You're not going to tell me?" Stan sighed.
"I d-d-don't......" Bill faltered, fearing the worst.
"I know you and June kissed."
//
oooo drama!
what shows are you guys into right now? I need more recommendations because I finished What We Do In The Shadows. A good show btw.
YOU ARE READING
butterflies // stenbrough
Fanfiction"It's b-beautiful tonight" "Yeah," he looked at the boy standing beside him "Really beautiful." ~ It's 1992. Stan is volunteering as a camp counsellor to start saving up for college. At first it's just a stupid summer job, but the arrival of a cut...
