butterflies // stenbrough

- Bill -

"Have you seen my inhaler?" Noah, one of their campers, asked in between short and fast breaths.
"Aren't you supposed to be doing track & field with Crissy & Brittany right now?" Stan asked the breathless camper.
    "Can't you see I'm literally dying right now? Brittany sent me back to grab my inhaler. I don't know where it is though." He said, dramatically, before beginning to search through his bag.
    "I haven't s-s-seen it, we'll come and g-grab you if we see it though." Bill said.
    "Okay, thank you." Noah responded before speeding out of the cabin.
    "Should he be r-r-running?" Bill questioned.
    "Probably not." Stan replied.
    "At least that l-l-leaves more time for us." Bill smiled, pulling Stan closer.
    "Bill, I'm a good Christian man." Stan joked.
    "W-W-Would a good C-Christian man do this?" Bill said before pulling the blonde boy into a kiss.
    "Maybe." Stan broke the kiss, but just for a moment. As Bill's lips felt Stan's familiar softness, he felt lucky. He always felt lucky to be around Stan, but kissing him was a grace he never thought he would experience. It was overwhelming how grateful and lucky he felt to be able to kiss Stan.
"I really l-l-like you." The words escaped Bill's lips, no thoughts, just feelings.
"I really like you too."
"Th-Thanks." Bill blushed at the nice comment, not his finest moment but it really didn't matter. He leaned his lips forward for another kiss, which Stan eagerly leaned into as well.
"I remembered it's in the back pocket......" Noah exclaimed, bursting through the doors, before slowly dropping his words.
Bill and Stan stood there, both frozen and silent.
"I'll just wait outside until you guys are done." Noah said hesitantly before running out of the cabin like it was on fire.
"Jesus Christ." Stan sighed before sitting onto a bunk.
"Yeah." Was the only thing Bill could manage to say, as his brain wasn't generating coherent thoughts in the moment. Just spurts of panic, shock, and worry.
"This is......fuck." Stan said, his head in his hands.
"Yeah."
"What do we do?" Stan asked.
    "I......" Bill tried to think, to answer the question of the panicked boy beside him, but nothing came to mind. This was supposed to be Stan's job, he was smart, he made plans, he dealt with issues like this. Though, in the moment, it was clear that Stan was not going to be of much help.
He shouldn't have to be the only one to deal with stuff like this. The thought popped into his head, and as much as he didn't want to deal with it, he knew it was true. Stan shouldn't have to always be the one to address the issues, Bill could take on some of them.
    "I'll t-t-talk to him."
    "Really?" Stan looked up, a relived look on his face.
    "Yeah, you do so m-m-much so I'll t-t-talk to him this time." Bill smiled to appease Stan, despite every fibre in his body wanting to sob and run.
"Thank you." Stan smiled and the tension in his body began to relax.
"No w-w-worries." Bill replied before grabbing Noah's inhaler and walking out of the cabin doors. He let out a relieved sigh when he didn't see Noah at the front of the cabin, he had a few seconds. He didn't know what he wanted to say at all, he wanted to deny it, but he didn't want to treat Noah like he was dumb. He was at a crossroads with no idea which way to go. For now, the only way he went was around to the back of the cabin where he saw the young boy.
"Hey." Bill said, taking a sit on the ground beside him.
"Hey." Noah responded.
"Here you g-go." Bill passed the inhaler to Noah, who promptly took a large puff.
"Thanks." Noah's breathing became to return to it's normal pace.
    "F-F-Feeling better?" Bill asked.
    "Yeah." Noah responded quietly. Bill could feel the tension in between them. It was like an invisible wall separating the two of them. As much as he wished that it would be fine and he wouldn't have to mention it, it became apparent they had to talk about it.
    "Look, about what h-h-h-happened in there.." Bill took a deep breath "It was a d-dare. We were playing truth or d-dare. I didn't want to do it, Stan n-n-n-n-n-neither and I didn't even l-like it. "
    "You're lying."
    "What?" Bill was taken aback.
    "Are you lying because what you were doing is wrong?" Noah asked, barely a whisper. "My mom says that people only lie when they do something wrong."
    "I- Um....." Bill had no idea what to say. He always knew Noah was a smart kid, he shouldn't have even tried lying to him. But the prospect of being honest with him, this child who could ruin his entire life if he didn't feel like keeping a secret, scared him even if Noah practically already know. Though when it came down to it, he had nothing to lose in the moment. Noah had figured it out, he couldn't lie, and he definitely couldn't sit there saying nothing. So with a deep breath and cheesy pep talk in his mind, he allowed the words to fall from his mouth. "No. I'm sorry, I sh-shouldn't have lied, but what I was d-doing was absolutely not w-w-w-wrong. I never w-w-w-want you to think something like that is w-w-wrong."
    "Are you sure?" Noah said, his voice cracking.
    "Yeah, I'm s-sure."
    "Because..." Noah paused, preparing himself to continue. "I think I might want something like that one day."
    "W-W-W-What do you mean?"
"When I think about dating and stuff, I think that I might want that with a boy, not a girl." Noah said, tears daring to fall from his eyes.
"Oh." Bill said, unsure how to respond.
"Am I broken?" Noah's three words killed Bill. He knew exactly what Noah was going through, he had been going through that exact situation a week ago. Bill was lucky, he had Stan and Richie and Eddie to tell him he wasn't broken whenever the thought popped into his head, Noah had nobody. Bill was beyond grateful to have supportive friends now, but a single "you're okay" from someone when he was thirteen could have changed his entire life. He would be that someone for Noah, he would make sure Noah didn't have to feel like he did.
"No, society is f-f-fucked. I know that this f-f-feels like it's so h-horrible and the w-w-world is ending, but none of that is t-true. You are okay, you are l-loved and you should n-n-never think otherwise." Bill told the poor kid. Noah didn't respond, but after a brief pause, he threw his arms around Bill, pulling him into a tight hug. Bill could hear the sniffling and feel the tears on his shirt. He could only hope that what he said had helped Noah in any way, it definitely would have been helped him. It helped him now. Just to say it out, to say that Noah wasn't broken, spoke to a part of himself that still expected to be fixed. That part of him that still believed one day he'd wake up and figure out how to like girls. An impossible scenario his mind too often thought about. A part of him like that would always exist, but it got quieter and quieter everyday and that part of him that would never overpower the fact that Bill was okay, and Bill was loved.

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Okay first update since Eurovision 2022 !! Ukraine won with the song "Stefania" by Kalush Orchestra! I'm super hyped because it was my second favourite and I'm very glad that it won. Give it a listen if you haven't yet.

In actual story news, what did you guys think of this chapter? Or just the story in general? Feedback is always welcome ❤️