Memories & Angel Wings || boyXboy Destiel ||

Soulmates

Dean saw a small shiver run down Castiel's spine. He almost reached out again to touch the small feathers near his shoulders. They still looked soft. Dean put his hands in his pockets to keep him from touching anything else he shouldn't.
"Why do you hide your wings, Cas? I understand you have to hide them from humans, but from me and Sam?" Dean asked as he stared into Castiel's light blue eyes. Castiel looked away and carefully sat down on his bed in front of the T.V. Dean followed, sitting beside his fallen angel.
"Well. In Heaven, an angels wings are their pride," Castiel looks into Deans eyes as he continued, "Your rank in Heaven is showed by your wings. The Archangels have the biggest, most beautiful wings of all of the angels. They are a glowing white, shining with a golden light that warms even the darkest of souls. It makes you feel safe; after all the Archangels are the protectors of heaven. They can also have more that one pair of wings, depending on their rank. Gabriel has 600." Castiel paused and looked at Dean, who was completely fascinated by Castiel's story.
"600 wings?" Dean said in disbelief. "For that asswipe?" It almost made Castiel smile.
"The lower angels have wings anywhere from a glowing white to shimmering gold. I am the only known angel to have black wings." Castiel repeated to Dean. "Once an angel denounces their faith to Heaven and the other angels, their wings begin to decay. They become brittle and they crumble. To show your wings in Heaven is an honor. Your entire being and place in Heaven depend on your wings. So once a fallen angel's wings begin decaying, they hide them. It is seen as a disgrace. Angels are not to be seen amongst the Fallen, otherwise, they may suffer the same consequence." Castiel finished, and waited expectantly for Dean to say something. After waiting a few moments Dean finally answered.
"That still doesn't answer my question. Why hide it from me? You know I would never judge you. I care about you too much." Dean's heart started beating faster as he spoke the truth he'd been hiding for months. He loved Castiel. He's loved him for a long time, but he'd never been able to tell him. A part of him hoped that Cas would understand the double meaning of his words, but another part was terrified he would. Castiel smiled at Dean's last comment. Did it mean what he thought it did? Did Dean really care about him, like he has cared about Dean for so long? He decided to figure out his feelings later.
"Because....well..." Castiel trailed off.
"Why, Cas?"
"Because it's embarrassing, and the powers of an angel's wings are too dangerous to leave open," Castiel answered as honestly as he dared. The one secret he has kept from everyone swirled in his brain. It was absolutely forbidden to tell anything, let alone a human.
"What do you mean? That doesn't make sense." Castiel refused to look Dean in the eyes. If he did, he was sure to tell him everything. When the angel didn't answer, Dean grabbed his chin and forced him to make eye contact. Cas felt his resolve slipping.
"I'm not allowed to say Dean." His eyes pleaded to the man.
"By who? The angels? Cas, they don't give a shit about you. They are trying to kill you!" Dean said. He had let go of the angel face, but they were still looking at each other in the eyes. Castiel sighed and looked away, rubbing his face.
"Because you can see my memories and thoughts with them." His wings squeezed against his back tighter, portraying his doubts and anxieties. He could hide his feelings when his wings were visible. Castiel stood up, hiding his wings at the same time.
"What?" Dean asked, shocked. "What do you mean I can 'see your memories and thoughts'? What the hell does that mean Cas?"
Castiel sighed defeatedly. "There is a spell that can allow you to hear my thoughts and see my memories. But it is the most dangerous spell of all." Not the whole truth, but not a lie either, Castiel thought to himself.
"W-what? Are you fucking serious Cas? You didn't think to tell me this?" Dean stood up and grabbed Castiel's arm, making him face the human.
"Because it could kill you!" Castiel spat out. He felt his feathers rise in frustration. He took a breath before continuing. "This spell is very dangerous for everyone who isn't an angel. You won't just be exposed to my memories, Dean you will see me. Not a vessel. Me. And that could burn you from the inside out!" Silence filled the room. An eternity went by before Dean spoke. His soft voice echoed in the room.
"I've already seen you Cas," Dean said in quiet determination. "When I was in Hell, and you pulled me out. That wasn't a vessel dragging me back; it was you."
Castiel paused and looked away. I have to tell him everything. He sighed, and sat back down on the bed.
Dean walked over to the fridge and opened it to find it empty. "I need a beer." He said under his breath before closing it.
"That's not all, Dean. The spell was intended for angels who have mated together. Humans call them soulmates. Because it connects their grace, thus connecting their minds. You can hear their thoughts, feel their emotions, and feel their pain. During a war, angels who have Bonded are forbidden to fight separately, because they can feel the pain of their mate and work extraordinarily well together. When one dies, the other is either killed from the pain or driven mad. It's not a good thing Dean." Castiel watched the other man collapse on the bed next to him. Sure there was a table to sit at, but fuck it. Dean quietly absorbed everything he was told. Castiel sighed defeatedly. Absolutely no one was to know this information except for angels themselves. It wasn't that he didn't trust Dean, he just knew that Dean would want to see into his past, and he had no control over what memories Dean would see. Memories no one should ever see. Plus the chance that it would kill Dean made Castiel far less likely to try it.
"So, what you're saying is," Dean finally said, after minutes of silence. "you can see an angels past through their wings, and they are able to talk to each other with their minds afterwards? That's pretty damn cool Cas." Dean sounded a hell of a lot calmer than he had been before. At first, he had felt pissed, but then when he realized why it was so dangerous his frustration disappeared. Now he was just curious. What about Cas's memories? Dean wanted to know more about Castiel's past, hoping it would help him understand the fallen angel more.
"The angel can't control what memories you see. It would show you random memories until either the connection is broken, or all of the memories have been seen. It's another reason why it needs to stay a secret." Castiel stressed the last part.
"It's not really dangerous though, is it Cas? It would only be dangerous if it were a demon or some backstabbing bitch. I'm neither one of those." Castiel knew Dean would ask this. Exhausted from all of the secrets, and the stress from today, Castiel explained everything.
"I don't have a lot of "happy" memories Dean. Angels are soldiers of Heaven, that means war and a lot of it. Disaster, pain, and death. That's all an angel knows." He didn't want to tell Dean about the harassments he endured as a young angel. How he was almost cast out by those in charge because of the ominous color of his wings. "Even if you survived seeing me, which is highly unlikely, it's unpredictable Dean!" Castiel knew what Dean was thinking. He didn't have to be an angel to know that Dean wanted to cast the spell. "For both of us. You would be able to feel any and all pain that I feel. Our emotions, thoughts, everything would be connected. Not to mention it's never been done before with a human and angel. Who knows what could happen, Dean!"
"You know my past. You know what I grew up with, what I do now. I can handle it. I want to understand you Cas. I want to know You so well that I always feel comfortable talking to you when I need you, and that I am safe because you can hear me. Think about it." Dean expressed honestly. Admitting more than he wanted to admit. "If I were ever in danger, and I couldn't get out, I know you'll be there for me. And you know I can kick ass too. Cas... You and Sam are all I got now. " Castiel was stunned. Logically this was stupid, but he couldn't help the smallest hope in his chest that it would be okay. That we could make it work like everything else we did before. "Please, Cas?" Dean begged with his puppy dog eyes. The Winchester moved to sit beside his angel. Castiel caved. He couldn't help but melt when Dean did that. After all, how can he resist the man he was in love with. Hesitantly, he agreed.
"O-okay. But I have no control over what you see. It will be completely out of my control. From what I understand of it, you will feel like you are actually there, but you will be completely invisible to everyone." Castiel looked deeply into Deans eyes, making sure he understood. Deans eyes had lit up at Castiel's agreement. Castiel slowly unfurled his wings again, making them visible again. Dean walked back to the bed and sat beside the angel. "Just place your hand on my back directly where my wings meet. Our minds will connect as soon as you make contact. There's a certain spell you must say once you do, but you have to be absolutely focused, otherwise it could go terribly wrong."
"Okay," Dean replied, "What's the spell?"
"It is my Heavenly name in the holy language of God." Castiel sounded like he was reading out of a book. He told Dean the words and they prepared themselves. Dean placed his hand on Castiel's back, sending shivers through both of them. Right before Dean recited the spell, Castiel gave one final warning. "Please be careful Dean, and remember: my past isn't...the best thing." Dean wondered what that meant, but decided to ask later. He took a deep breath, flattened his hand out, feeling the warmth of Castiel's back and the softness of his wings, and recited the spell perfectly. As soon as the last syllable fell from Deans lips, the room began to spin, and he was sucked into a pitch black darkness...