Grotesque || Bucky Barnes x Reader

13

I had to tell him, "Steve", I yell, catching Steve, who must have been making his way to Bucky. I grab him pulling him into my room. I start walking around stressed "listen, you know Bucky is in love with some woman, and you are the only one who can understand my feelings or close to, but I think-" "you like bucky", Steve cuts me off. I nod "wait, how do you know," Steve says, "I thought we went through this. I can tell when you are in love y/n" He says, "no one said anything about love steve".

"you can't hide it from me. That little glint in your eyes when you look at him gives it away," I sigh, flopping on my bed. "I hate him", I groan "why," Steve asks, sitting next to me "he makes me feel like this unintentionally, and he loves another woman I was supposed to finish this year still hating him" I pause "maybe I still can" I sit up, and Steve shakes his ad "y/n you can not push those feelings deep down" "well I won't I'll just deflect it" I smile "we have a mission later right so I'll take it out on some bad guys" I chuckle.

It was time for a mission, but this time it was Tony, Wanda, Nat, Steve, Bucky and I, which seemed like many people, but when you are fighting, you can't tell. As usual, I throw a knife at Bucky, but instead of harming the bad guys like usual, I tortured them, broke their ankles, twisted their arms, I deflected my problems. I almost killed a guy until "Y/n you're killing him", Tony yells as I let go of the guy's throat. Bucky could tell the change in my attitude has saved me a few times.

"y/n," Steve says, fighting next to me ", I know you said you were deflecting, but there has to be a better way," he says, grunting "no, there is not rogers," I say, twisting some guys neck "whoops" I look over to Bucky who had a few guys on him. I help "so could have taken them," he says, huffing "no, you couldn't," I say, wiping my cheek, and he nods "well, thanks," he says "what are you here for" he continues "well you are saving the world for your pretty girlfriend aren't you" I grunt kicking some guy in the balls "what no?" Bucky says, confused.

"you want a perfect world for her so you guys can run off and be married", I continue, frustrated with myself for feeling this way "y/n is this what it's about? The world would never be perfect, especially with the shit they put her through," he says, and I nod "so what you want to marry her" I continue "someday yes but not now since I'm fighting and doing crime stuff or whatever," He says fighting off some guy "why doesn't anyone love me the way you love your girl" I huff sitting down on the pile of dead guys "what," Bucky says sitting next to me "no one cares about me or knows me well enough to love me like you love your girl" I look up at him. "god steve loved you like that y/n," he says defending me somehow "but someone like you James" well there goes the deflecting mission "I want someone to like you to love me like that, but there isn't anyone like you," I say "we can talk about this later" he turned cold and walked off.

"Tony", I look over to him as he shakes his head "deflecting?" he asks. I nod "everyone can tell," Tony says, taking his mask off "oh really", I spit out a tooth, "ouch," Tony says, and I nod "yeah, well, lost a tooth before I'll just make a new one," I say casually as he helps me up "let's get a move on," He says with a smile putting his mask back on, and I nod. We walked towards some room, but I didn't take notice. The only thing I took note of was the way Bucky stood which was tense. Nothing on him seemed relieved to be done, and Steve tried to help him ease up, but it failed, and I walked over to him, and he instantly eases up smiling at me "At ease, soldier," I mock Steve's voice, and he chuckles looking away.

Back in the Quinjet, I'm rubbing off all the blood "what was that y/n" Nat asks, and I look at her wiping my arms "deflecting" I mumble as if it wasn't clear enough "you could have gotten yourself killed" Steve says clearly pissed at me which was understandable but he should try to feel this way. "what exactly were you deflecting?" Wanda asks puffed since she did most of the work and I shrug "just personal stuff" I say licking the inside of my cheek "yeah personal stuff that could have gotten you killed if I didn't notice" Bucky says pissed also "you literally could have died y/n and you didn't care" he continues "yeah well I just don't James" I say with an ignorant tone which was clearly visible. "James? Y/n are you fucking serious".

We land and Bucky shoves past me "No Buck wait" I run after him ignoring everyone else "No you could have killed yourself and everyone cared except for you" Well he was pissed off "What if someone loved you hm?" He says and we get into the elevator "What if someone in the world thought they truly loved you and you just went to go get yourself killed" He yells, What if someone loved me? What if someone took the time to learn things about me? Without a word Bucky places a hand on my cheek and kisses me, moments pass and we pull away "when you kiss them you want it to feel like that huh" He says and I nod "you want to fall more in love with each kiss" He says then the elevator door opens and he walks off.

I run after him "that kiss why? what? how?" I say realising what just happened "just an example" he shrugs "no you felt something in that i swear" That kiss was not just any ordinary kiss, not to me it wasn't. It was passionate, I mean I've never kissed anyone like that not even Steve and he was the first love of my life but we never kissed like this, this kiss was far different it was like my dream and he had longed to kiss me, but i knew that this kiss wasn't meant for me it was meant for her.

"I didn't feel anything and i don't want it" He says so I grab his arm again and kiss him, it was more loving and although he said he didn't want it, it sure as hell felt like he did. After a while of pressing his tender yet gentle lips against mine he pulls away "y/n i can't" He says getting worried then rushing in to his room. I shouldn't have kissed him, He kissed me first though "Bucky" I knock on his door "Buck" I say gently "let me in please" I beg for him to open the door and he doesn't budge.

Then I remember a few weeks ago when he got me the flowers, I should get something to apologise for it right? but Bucky wasn't an easy man to please well not to me and really it would depend on his mood, if he was neutral he would like coffee and toast or if he was happy he would make pancakes and go to the gym afterwards. Worried was an expression of his that I was unfamiliar with, I jog to my room and rummage through my things and find a book.

Bucky loves reading and he loves romantic books and although the kissing booth was a terrible pick of books I pull them out, who doesn't love a romantic drama filled book. I grab a basket and place all the books in I grab all my left over goodies and put them in the box with a note that read

i'm sorry buck here's a gift from me to you, i don't expect you to forgive me i mean that kiss was out of pocket for the both of us. I know kissing booth is ironic and a terrible book series but you like romance and these are romantic books. sorry.
-y/n x

I place the basket infront of his door and knock gently "i don't expect you to open it straight away so i'll just go" I say gently to the other side of the door.

Bucky's POV - for the rest of the chapter

Opening the door was so hard, not physically or mentally i just wasn't prepared to talk to her about that kiss. Leaning against the door I wait until I hear her footsteps retreat and I open the door to see her closing her door but I look down to see a gift basket and a note which read.

i'm sorry buck here's a gift from me to you, i don't expect you to forgive me i mean that kiss was out of pocket for the both of us. I know kissing booth is ironic and a terrible book series but you like romance and these are romantic books. sorry.
-y/n x

If only she knew how bad I wanted to open that door and kiss her all over again her lips were so soft, the softest lips ever and it lingered on my lips. She was so perfect everything about her was beautiful but her touch, her touch was hot it burned me almost and made me recoil not in disgust or hatred but because I couldn't feel this way about anyone, especially her, yet I did and it seemed so poetic and too fitting.

I loved it when she gave me a sly remark or when she greeted me with a smile, feeling this way was different to me and it was different to her aswell but even if she did feel the same way as I did, would she really want to be seen with me? A broken half-man individual used for killing. I was basically a reminder of her past and I don't think she liked me because of that's reason.

but

When I face it all i want is her but so does Steve, my best bud and how could i come between that relationship, the years, decades put into that relationship couldn't compare to the amount of time i've known her, Steve was her first love after all. So i couldn't compare to him, he was perfect for her.

god i want her so bad.