A Bond Never Broken

Chapter 4

I breathed in all of the familiar scents of Panama; salty ocean water with a hint of briny fish, the waft of different foods, booze, and sometimes a fruity smell. I focused on one scent, in particular. It was a mix of lavender and honey. It smelled like the perfume Caroline would wear when we went to fancy restaurants on occasions back in college.

Cut it out, I thought to myself. She's gone and certainly not here. You just need to move on with your life. Find someone new to form a relationship with. I felt sick at the thought, but I couldn't die alone. But could I? It wasn't fair to be in a relationship when the other loves you unconditionally, but your heart lies in a totally different retrospect. Maybe I could die alone.

I shook my head and fixed my hat. I had an interview to do with this lady named Jenna for the Today Show and I wasn't getting there any faster with Caroline on my mind. Picking up my pace, I met with Caleb. He was by my Bronco with Jenna. I was going to give her a little tour before the initial interview.

After the tour, I sat down with her.

"It's kind of sad that it is the last one," I admitted. "But somehow I was able have an excuse to be at spring break all through my 30s. It's probably time to shut 'er all down."

Jenna smiled at me. She asked about Til living with me now.

"When I look at my career and how blessed I have been, it's a no-brainer," I said. "No question. It was like, if he wants to live with me, that would be amazing."

Jenna bit her lip and I knew that some personal questions were about to pop up.

(Not part of an actual interview)

"So Mr. Bachelor, has there been any lucky lady to fill the love interest position?"

I sighed at the question. Jenna took notice and raised and eyebrow. If she thought I was going to spill whatever I was holding behind this sigh, she was in for a surprise.

"No, no one in my sights." I turned towards the camera. "But, ladies..." I winked at the camera and laughed. "Nah, I'm just playing. I'm not looking to be in a relationship now. I am fully focused on my career and family and friends at the moment." I took a deep breath. "There are also other reasons that I'm just not ready to talk about yet. Possibly in the near future I might explain it in interviews. It's just a really, really hard subject."

The interview ended. Thank goodness. I could feel the reporter checking me out and taking a little too much interest in what I had to say. Every time this happened so I was used to it.

I had one more interview to do. This one was for a local radio station. These guys will get a little more insight on Caroline. I walked to where they were set up. The interview began right away.

(End of interview)

"Coming up here in a minute, Luke is going to sing a song that has never been released. He wrote it a while back and is ready to share it." He gestured for me to explain.

"Well, I found the lyrics in an old filing cabinet. What's funny is that I wasn't even going to get into the filing cabinet. The filing cabinet is in my office and I was in the kitchen looking for this long lost pie tin Mama supposedly forgot two years ago. Why she just told me now, who knows." The radio host and I laughed. "Anyways, this was the day I had had a small shot, courtesy of Blake Shelton at 1:30.He quoted Allan Jackson and Jimmy Buffet and said 'It's five o'clock somewhere.'. Well, somehow I had this bright idea that it was in my office. What the hell I was thinking, I have no idea. Fast forward after and hour of looking for the pie pan and you have me looking at the lyrics." I closed my eyes, feeling a little more rejuvenated to be able to explain."The lyrics are about a great, beautiful woman I was in love with in college. We both went to Georgia Southern. She let me go so I could go and pursue my dreams of becoming an artist. I thank her in my head every day for that because look where I am now; on a roller coaster ride.But, I still regret it because of 'what ifs'. This special song was written a year after I was signed to Capitol Records. It explains if I am still in love with her. This is called I Don't Know If I Can Do That."

I strummed my guitar and began to sing as I replayed memories of Caroline and I in my head.

"I'm not supposed to want to love you no more. No more cards and flowers, no more knocks on your door; just forget the perfect love that we had, but I don't know if I can do that.

I was so certain baby you were the one.
That this was it and all my searching was done I should admit you don't get used to the
facts but I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I can do that.

I don't know how I'll ever let you go,
since you walked out there's so much I don't know

The things I'm feeling they just won't go away I see you and I don't know what to say
my friends all tell me that I oughta be glad,
but I don't know if I can do that, I don't know if I can do that.

I don't know how I'll ever let you go,
since you walked out there's so much I don't, so much I don't, so much I don't know.

Someday somebody will really love me
and she'll be everything I thought you would be. And all I wanna do is love her back,
but I don't know if I can do that.
I don't know if I can do that."

I thanked the radio station and turned and walked back to the bus. A single tear fell from my eye.

I hushed Brooke as I heard a familiar voice. Someone was playing a radio quite loudly farther down the beach and I could make out Luke's voice. I still haven't told Brooke about Luke yet hence we just got to the location, so she was confused as to why I quieted her.

I listened to Luke's interview and laughed at how his momma "lost" a pie tin so she says. That's exactly how I remember LeClaire. He started to talk about me. As he said the words 'it'll explain if I'm still in love with her' I felt my face go numb. He started to play. He sang the song and I listened to each word roll off his tongue. By the end of the song, I knew my answer.

Luke Bryan was still in love with me after nineteen years and hasn't dated anyone since. And I'm the reason why.

A/N: So Luke did some interviews. (In the Today Show one, I didn't italicize the words Luke didn't really say for exapmle, 'living with me.' ) Luke also sang a song which was never released. Will he reveal more about Caroline later? Will Luke really decide to not date anyone else?

Caroline heard Luke's radio interview and knew it was about her. How do you think she feels about Luke not dating since and is still in love with her?

8 COMMENTS FOR AN UPDATE!