WAVING THROUGH THE WINDOW | 김선우

18 ɴᴏᴛ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ

"going through changes"

Waking up after crying relentlessly the night before is one of the worst feelings in the entire world.

Or at least for Gyeoul, it was.

Waking up with a heavy feeling in your chest as your brain processes that you are awake and replays what happened yesterday for you to remember. And as you lay there, still, remembering the last moments of your night before, breathing completely fine, but it feels like every breath you take could be the last one with how heavy it felt to take another breath. This was how Gyeoul felt.

It's Sunday, which meant that she had no reason to be hoisted up in her room. At some point her family would come in and ask why she hasn't been going out of her room and she'd have to make up a believable excuse about it, including her puffy red face.

To her luck, her parents left the house to go hiking and her grandparents were out to visit some of their friends, so she was alone and it was all she needed today.

But as much as she felt like staying in bed all day she decided against it.

Gyeoul sat in her bed for a couple more minutes before she stood up to take a shower because as much as she felt like staying in bed all day, she knew it wouldn't help her state, it would just make her feel worse so she decided to distract herself.

After showering, she grabbed her phone and went downstairs to find food.

On days like these, Gyeoul had a habit of making a list of things to do to distract herself. Cleaning her room, watching a movie or a series, doing schoolwork despite it being the weekend, cooking or baking, and whatever else she could find that could keep her occupied.

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L a t e r

Gyeoul decided to take a walk. She had a feeling it was what she needed before the day ends and that it would help her feel better.

It was nearing six when she decided it would be the best time to start walking. She knew that people would be going to church or are on their way to dinner around this hour.

Cars were pulling out of driveways, people chattering while walking towards the direction of the bus stop, and the street lights starting to light up—Gyeoul watched peacefully, walking at a slow pace.

Gyeoul stopped to tie her shoelaces, a group of people passed by her, laughing and talking loudly, she couldn't help but look at them.

God, I miss that...

She watched with a faint smile on her face. Gyeoul was genuinely happy to see a group of friends who seemed tight knit, it made her want to strive to be a better person, a better friend; the best version she could be in this present. She wanted to be better for not only herself but the people around her as well.

Some realisations come at the most random time. Most of the time, they aren't even relevant and sometimes they don't even make sense. Gyeoul went out of the house not knowing what she wanted. A clear mind? Fresh air? Food? She didn't think about it. Just unconsciously got ready and out the door at the next.

You know how in the movies, people either get random but amazingly insane ideas or just a lot happening while they're out?

Yeah, Gyeoul just had that moment; who knew stepping out of the house would give her a new perspective of the recent events in her life?

Just a few months ago she was preparing to move to a different house, a different community. Gyeoul couldn't even imagine what her future would look like. She lost all hopes and dreams, she lost faith in herself.