Real Encounters

*The Time I was the Creep...a Story of Reform*

Veteran poster here. I've been debating telling this story for a while now. Eventually, I decided to tell it, but created an alternate account for it. This is not a story about an encounter per se, but it is a recounting of my own time spent on the creeper side and how I got better.

I grew up a shy, socially anxious, sheltered child in a suburban neighborhood. Due to my family's religious background, I ended up in a religious private school from kindergarten until I graduated high school. My school ran K-12 and I did all of it.

In freshman year of high school, a bunch of new kids came into my grade. Many other private religious schools around here only run to eighth grade or so. Thus, my small class increased by almost 40 new students. There, I met Kate.

Girls in my school never really paid much attention to me. Back then, I was resentful towards them for it. It took me a number of years to realize it was because I never made an effort to be sociable and reach out to them, but at the time I always blamed them. That was, until one day, I met Kate and everything changed.

It started with simple talk, but Kate paid me attention and the socially-anxious me that kept a lot of thoughts bottled up inside loved every second of it. Just the idea of her, the attention, added with her being very pretty, all made me fall hard for her, at least I thought so. Looking back on it now, you could say I was a bit over-infatuated with her.

I didn't leave her alone. I always looked for ways to talk to her, told her a lot of things about my life I didn't tell anyone else. I even got her to hang out with me a few times outside of school. I thought I was on the right track to making her my girlfriend.

This was back in the AIM days, so we would message each other a lot on there. Me being the anxious person, I would pour a lot of my feelings out to her on there. I would tell her that I loved her, that my life didn't make sense without her, that I needed her. I would ask her why she would like other guys and not a "nice guy" or "good guy" like me. I would follow her everywhere in school, never letting her out of my sight.

I then started telling her I loved her. Why did I do this? I couldn't tell you. I wanted her to be mine. I just did. All because she paid attention to me without me having to do anything. Though, looking back, it was just friendly attention, I didn't see it that way then. I would add all these depressive statements coupled with "I love you" all the time from then on.

I kept this up for four years. I wouldn't relent, even if she was dating another guy. I pursued, pursued, pursued. I continued with the calls, the AIM messages, started saying some of this stuff in person, how I felt her and I were "meant to be".

She finally had enough of it around the time we were about to graduate high school and ceased all contact with me. I'm honestly surprised it took her that long to do so. If I were in her shoes, I would've gotten me out of her life years ago.

I still remained obsessed with her for almost a year after. I would still message her, call her, even while I was far away in college. I'd lost my virginity to another girl, and that night called Kate crying to tell her it should have been with her and not the girl I did do it with.

Eventually, I backed off from her. I don't know why. Eventually, I just did. I began turning obsessive fantasies on other girls in my new college environment. I never pursued them quite like I did with Kate, but the thoughts were still there. They still occupied my mind and controlled me.

It took me a while to finally realize that I wasn't pursuing these girls. I was harassing them. Somehow, I had this breakthrough on my own. I don't know how I had this revelation, but I did, and I'm thankful for it. I realized I had to get some kind of help because I didn't want to be controlled by my impulsive obsessions with these women anymore. Mind you, this went on for about five years. 4 years of high school with Kate, part of freshman year of college with her, and a milder version of it with multiple girls late that year in college.

I decided to seek professional help. Something just wasn't right and I knew I had to get to the bottom of it. After a long period of meeting with a counselor, I realized my obsessive nature came from a long history of problems I had elsewhere from my upbringing. I was projecting deep-seeded issues from something else into my romantic life.

After a while, these obsessive problems returned for a brief period of time. This time, however, I caught myself and sought a new therapist. After meeting with him, I discovered I've been living with an undiagnosed, but rather mild version of bipolar for a good portion of my young adult life. With professional help, I began taking the steps I needed to stabilize my mood, my thoughts, etc. Since the version of bipolar I have is rather mild compared to most cases, I was given a mood stabilizing supplement on an as-needed basis. Whenever I feel these overwhelming feelings like this, I just take a supplement pill, wait a few minutes, and it all subsides. I still continue to meet with a counselor bi-weekly, and it really helps me keep myself in check.

Since then, I've enjoyed a healthier quality of life. I'm a far more socially outgoing person than I was back then. I've enjoyed a few healthy and positive relationships with women that have each only ended due to mutual decisions to cease dating. I'm currently living the single life, but I finally have a handle on those obsessive thoughts and have for a while. I'm just enjoying being myself and focusing on school. I've even landed a good job and I'm beginning the stages of writing my first novel, a dream of mine that I've wanted to accomplish for a while now.

As for Kate, well, I've spoken to her a few times in the past couple years. I've apologized for my past behavior, and she said she forgives me. I've even asked her to meet up, and we did once. We just had a great conversation over lunch as friends. She has a boyfriend she's been dating for a number of years now and is moving away to start a career that she's wanted to have for quite a while. I couldn't be happier for her and I wish her all the best.

So, there you have it. I was once one of those creeps. Thankfully, I was able to get the help I needed and move on from it. I just really hope that a lot of these other creepy individuals users mention on this sub will one day also get the kind of help that I did. Thank you everyone for giving this a read.