Just My Type

Changes

I have written some on paper, but not so much on here. I am currently on a break at work and want to get some of my thoughts down. Since last updating, so much has happened. I graduated college, moved out, found an apartment, and started my first "big girl" job. It feels weird to be adulting. Going to work everyday, paying insurance, making appointments. It feels like I am faking it. How am I really out in the world working and being an adult? It is so weird to be in school for your whole life and then all of sudden you're living life on your own and paying rent. 

Since starting my job, I have had a lot of change. There has been a lot of change at work and the expectations they have of me. It has been very much accept what is happening to me and find a way to make it through otherwise I'll drown. It has been a very stressful process and most of the time it feels like I have no idea what I'm doing or where it is going. Most of the time I don't even know if it is helping. 

At the start of the year, it will be different all over again. There will be the same people; however, it will be run differently. I can't really plan much for it either because I have to get training on it first. Hard to make plans when you don't know what to plan for. I have prayed a lot about it and it has helped a lot. I don't feel as overwhelmed. I am not really sure what to expect for next year. I know that it will be full of lots of change.

In addition to starting my job and moving out, there is some updates with the boyfriend tehe. It has been two and half years of dating which is wild. I think back to where we started and feels like so long ago, but also not that long ago at the same time. I wonder how that works. Maybe it's because I was such a different person then and that seems like so long ago, but everything else seems like not that long ago. I don't know. Overall, our relationship has been really good. He is kind, funny, thoughtful, and caring. He makes me so happy. Today we leave to go to Mexico for Christmas. His whole family will be there. It is family that I have spent a lot of time with so that's good. I have never been to Mexico. Him and his family went there 2 years ago for Christmas. I'm excited to go somewhere new! It says it's going to rain while we're there so that is annoying because I was hoping to get some sun and get away from the cold! But it will be an adventure regardless. 

Now, I know this is something that I shouldn't really know, but I think he is going to propose. Omg how wild is that?!? It is so weird to think of me as married, but I know that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wonder how he is going to do it? What will he say? AHHHH. 

The weird thing is that since his whole family will be there, they probably all know and they will just be wondering when it will happen. Whenever it does, then we'll come back and we'll have so many eyes on us. This is a part that I am not looking forward to too much. I just hope that it's not awkward. Despite the fact that I've spent a lot of time around his family, I am still nervous. I reckon I will always be nervous. I just hope that they like me rather than tolerate me ya know? They haven't given me any reason to think otherwise, but it is still a fear I have. The fear of not being liked. Once we're married, they will be my family too. When you marry someone, you are also marrying their family too. With his family, it will be his mom's side of the family mostly because he is the closest to them. It's just all going to be so insane. Then we'll have to start planning a wedding!! Wild. 

Other than these update I don't have much else. My emotions are all over the place. Scared. Nervous. Excited. There's just so much going on and it's hard to focus on just one thing. Hope ya'll are doing well. Happy holidays and good luck for the new year! 

x J