Just My Type

What Should I Do With My Life?

It has been a bit since my husband and I have lived in our new place. It feels like we are finally starting to settle in. It is so crazy to think about life now. It feels like my husband and I can finally feel like were are starting life. In some ways I guess it feels different to be married, but in other ways no so much. We are learning each others quirks and annoyances. It is nice to be able to see each other all of the time. I'm not really sure how to explain how it is the same and different, but it just is. I am very blessed in the situation that I am in.

Adulting is so weird and most of the time I feel like I am just faking it. Something I am trying to figure out is what I want to do with my life (ya know nothing too crazy). 

I have never been someone who knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. I was always jealous of those who knew exactly what they wanted to do. I just sort of fumbled my way through. I went to college and got my teaching degree along with a credential. I taught for a year and it was a crazy experience (mostly on the bad side). Most of the trauma of that job was more due to the school than anything I suppose. I told myself that I wanted to use my 1st year of teaching as a way to help me figure out if teaching was what I wanted to do. However, I feel like my situation was so insane it almost seems unfair to use that and that I need to try again.  But then maybe there in lies the answer. 

Since moving back to my home state, I have been doing substitute teaching, which hasn't been too bad. Definitely less stress. I know that is a way to get teaching jobs; however, the prospect of getting a teaching job sounds terrifying. I have been praying for some kind of peace about the whole situation and I feel like maybe last night I got my answer. Now, I can't say for certain because I have a few other things that are set up to happen.

At the start of the new semester after Christmas, I have a long term substitute position. It is at a middle school which already is a little scary lol. It will be 2 months long. Hopefully it will go smoothly, but I know there will be a definite learning curve. It is hard to step into someone else's classroom and essentially take over, especially considering that they already have their routines. To be honest I am quite nervous. Despite these nerves, I do want to use this opportunity as a way to help me figure out my dilemma. If I end up really enjoying it, then maybe that means I will try to find a full time teaching job. Who knows what can happen. 

As I mentioned earlier, I did say that I thought I had my answer. I feel like I am moving more towards not pursuing teaching. Besides my own personal experience with teaching, there has been must discourse online with teachers leaving the profession. They all have valid points. When I went into teaching, I never realized how much actually goes into the job. There is so much to think about and do, and the job is never done. There is always something more you can be doing. It is a stressful and overwhelming job in many ways. There are plenty of reasons why not to do it. However, if I decide to no longer pursue teaching, I have no idea what to do instead. I think working at a school in some capacity would be great. I would really like to be a librarian, but most schools only need one. It is a hard job to get.

I have so many thoughts and emotions to consider and it seems like either choice would be hard. How do people know what they want to do? I'm afraid that I will have to go back to school if I want to do something and that will be expensive. 

I don't know. These are just some of the things I have been dealing with as of late. Hope y'all are well and happy holidays.

J xx