Just My Type

New Things

With the new year brings new challenges. The new year will be new resolutions that we won't stick to, new adventures will take place, and of course change. My new year will start with a newish job. I have been working as substitute teacher. One of the school is in need of a long-term sub. So once the new semester start, I will be taking over another class. 

I will once again be taking over a class. I met with the teacher last week and it has helped me to feel better. I have a tendency to overthink and over analyze, which in turns freaks me out. It is hard for me to deal with the unknown, so taking with her was extremely helpful. It was a lot of information at once, but overall it was good. I feel like I have some sort of plan to go off of which is helps qualm the anxiety somewhat. 

It is definitely hard going into another teachers classroom and figuring out the procedures. It is even hard for the students as well. It is something different that they have to get used to. You are doing the job of the full time teacher, just getting paid less to do it. Since you are not the "real teacher" they like to test the boundaries. You have to be tough at the get go, which is hard for me because that is not my natural inclination. As a long term sub, you are doing more than facilitating and redirecting, which is where that classroom management comes into place. That can be a real struggle especially coming in as a sub. This is the thing that I am most worried about. 

It is a thing that you are taught about and get advice on, but ultimately it comes down to you and staying tough. 

*****

I never finished or published this entry. I write this now 2 months later. I just finished the long term sub position. The full time teacher did not come back, however. The school asked me to stay and I declined for a variety of reasons.

I wanted to use that time to decide if I want to teacher full time. From that experience, I have come to the conclusion that I don't think I want to pursue teaching full time. While there were some fun and good parts in the experience, it overall was very stressful. I had one class period in particular that was rough. There were some good students, but overall that class always caused me stress. It is weird because I had more students in that class wanted to hug me goodbye or give me a letter that explained all I did for them. It is hard to say if I would have stayed if it weren't for that last class. There is so much to teaching that I don't think people understand unless they are a teacher themselves.

Saying goodbye was sad. There are some students that I will definitely miss. Overall, the students were good, but there are other parts of the job that add to the stress and I just don't know if I can do it. 

I think it would be great to continue working in a school at some capacity, I just have to figure out what that is. For now, I am back to substitute teaching. So far, it has been good. It is a lot less stressful. Of course it still has its stresses, but in general it is not as stressful as full time teaching. I can go back to setting my own schedule and not feeling as burnt out as before. 

The only downside to the whole thing is that I now need to figure out what it is that I need to do with my life. Ya know nothing too crazy. I have been looking for other jobs, even while I was teaching, but it is so hard because I just don't feel qualified for other things. I see a job and I think, "Oh this could be good" and then I read the description and get discouraged. I either don't have the experience, or I don't have the right degree, or it seems like something that I wouldn't feel right for. Other times, the job is just too far away or pays barely anything. Job hunting in general is just so discouraging. I am not sure what else to do. 

So while ending the long term sub job is a big relief, it also just means that I need to start figuring out what to do which is overwhelming. It will be nice to take some time to job hunt. I am fortunate to have a husband that can support us comfortably while also being able to make money subbing so that I can take that time to figure out what I want to do.

Other fun news is that I saw Dune! I saw it in IMAX in 70MM (which my husband was so keen to do). It was so good. It is so cool how different it is from everything else and it just made me that more obsessed with Timothee. I already love him, but Dune made me love him even more. I highly suggest watching it. Be warned, it is long. So if that isn't your type of thing then you may not like it.

Hope you are doing well :) 

-J