~Venting/Rants~

10-14-21

After my ex back from May-June, I found it hard to trust people.

Especially guys.

After what he did to me I didn't like anyone really for months, I stopped trusting people so much, I just couldn't like anyone.

He ruined relationships for me.

And now I finally like someone, who I trust, and who I feel safe around.

Though he likes someone.

I'm not mad, nor that upset either.

I learned a while ago how to pretty much ignore any emotion.

He doesn't know I like him, and I'm not gonna tell him either.

If he figures it out or one of my friends tell him, then oh well i guess.

But me and him talk almost daily, and when my friend Kat, talks about their crush I sometimes bring up mine.

And the guy I like will ask if he(the person i have a crush on) is in our next class together.

When he asks I mostly just say maybe, maybe not, or maybe I'm just lying and he doesn't even go to this school.

And yesterday the guy I liked called my friend Kat, a simp, and he called me one as well.

And I said how could I even be a simp since he doesn't know who I simp for nor do I do anything for anyone that seems like simping.

So now I'm concerned as to if he knows that i like him, or if he thinks he's knows who i like.

Cause if does know I wouldn't be surprised.

First off, I'm slightly mean to all of my friends in a joking way, that's how I show affection.

But I'm overly nice to the guy I like.

I'm 10x happier when I'm near him/talking to him verse when I'm with anyone else.

And yesterday I asked my friend Olly if I could borrow a pencil, and we have this joke where once I apparently "cursed" Olly's pencil, so yesterday he said no cause he didn't trust me.

So I told the guy I like(Matthew, yes you finally get a name) to tell Olly that I'm a nice, trustworthy person, and he did.

Then Olly told Matthew that he barely even knew me and Matthew said that they both knew me for around the same amount of time.

And I said "Exactly, the only difference is I'm slightly rude to you(Olly) because we're friends and that I'm nice to Matthew."

Like all my friends know, like one of my friends, who is also my younger cousin and is friends with Matthew, said that even if I didn't tell him I liked Matthew that he would've guessed it anyway.

Which is true.

He always does.

Because it's obvious.

So now I'm wondering if Matthew knows or if he's just really ignorant and doesn't know yet.

My bestfriend(Rylee) thinks that he does.

But one of my other close friends(Logan) thinks that he doesn't.

I think he might suspect that I like him, either that, or he thinks I think someone else.

Either way it doesn't really matter.

But anyways, if you have read this and made it to the bottom, I hope you enjoyed my rant.

Have a good day :)