But Still I Hold On

#6

I woke up the next day not wanting to get out the bed. I had a hangover and my dream was on repeat in my head. It was about Alex. After all the stuff he did I missed him.

There was a part of me who hated him and a part of me that missed him. I knew I couldn't go talk to him because if I see him I'll just end up wanting him back.

I have to get rid of these feelings or I'll end up making a stupid decision. I heard talking from downstairs so I got out the bed brushed my teeth washed my face and went down there. I wasn't in the best mood today but I had to put on a smile even if it was fake the last thing I need is somebody feeling sorry for me.

"Hey Jess!" I was greeted by Milo as soon as I walked downstairs him and the guys were sitting in front of the TV playing the game.

"Hey Guys." I walked into the kitchen to fix myself a cup of coffee to wake myself up.

"So we still on for today?" Carlos said as he walked in the kitchen and stood beside me

"Yeah, sure." I didn't feel like going anywhere but if I said no then he would've known something was wrong.

"Cool, I'm ready whenever you are."

Might as well get it over with. After I finished my coffee I went upstairs to get dressed. I didn't feel like getting all cute today so I just threw on some black joggers and a white crop top. I slid on some white air forces. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. On the outside, I looked fine but on the inside, I was fighting for my life. I had to pull it together before I left.

"Jess you ready." Carlos walked into the bathroom and stood in the doorway.

"Yeah lets go." I walked past him. We walked downstairs.

"I wanna come!" Milo got up off the couch and walked up to me and Carlos. "Me too."

"Okay fine lets go." With that, we all walked out of the house. Carlos locked the door and then unlocked the car. I sat in the front and Milo and Damien sat in the back. Carlos drove. We pulled out of the driveway and headed to the mall. On the drive there we talked and laughed about last night. I liked being with them they made me not think about the stuff I was going through. I never had many friends other than May. I met Carlos a little after me and Alex started dating. He and Alex have been friends for a few years but they don't talk much. Me and Carlos hung out more than he and Alex did we just clicked. We got each other on another level.

The guys were talking but I was lost in my thoughts. We pulled up at the mall and I got excited. Carlos told me I could get whatever I needed which was everything. He didn't want me to go back to the house with Alex. It made me feel like he knew something I didn't. I shook it off though. I didn't wanna mess up my day even more by thinking about Alex.

Me, Milo, Carlos, and Damien spent hours in the mall. Mainly because of me. It was fun either way. The boys helped me pick out stuff. I tried clothes on and everything.

"Okay let's go."

"What why? I wanna buy a pair of earrings."

"Jess come on we can order you some let's go." I saw Carlos tap Milo and then Milo tapped Damien

"Yeah, Jess we should go."

"What the hell is going on." I turned around trying to see what they were trying to get me away from. Then I saw it. It was May and Alex. They were laughing. I felt my heart break a little. I wanted to cry but I didn't.

"Hold this.'' I handed my bags to Carlos. "No Jess leave it alone."

I ignored them and walked to Alex and May.