But Still I Hold On

#14

My date with Nate was nice. He's a really sweet guy. I like being around him. When i got back home Carlos was nowhere to be found so i just went to bed after my shower. I had to meet with my therapist today. I haven't seen her in a while. Alex stopped me from seeing her because she was telling me that leaving him was the only way i was going to be able to start fresh. I guess she was right.

When i woke up i picked out my clothes and took a quick shower. I put my hair in a bun went downstairs grabbed something to snack on and left out the door. I got in my uber and headed to Ms.Mooer's office. I had to prepare myself because i knew this was going to be hard. She's going to bring up my mom she always does. I know it's her job but i hate talking about her because it brings up things i don't wanna remember.

I arrived at the her office. I told her assistant i was here and she sent me to the back where Ms.Moore was. I walked in her office.

"Well if it isn't my favorite patient. Look at you all grown up. You dyed your hair i love it."

"Thank you ma'am it's really nice to see you again i really missed you." I walked to her and hugged her.

"So tell me what's going on you haven't made an appointment with me in years what changed."

I was hesitant to talked. "It's okay hun let's talk about this with you and Alex."

I sat down on the couch in her office and let out a big sigh. "We broke up. I found out he was cheating on me with my friend May. I know i was supposed to leave years ago but the love i had for him was so strong i felt like i could fix him."

"What's been going on that makes you think you should've been left?"

So i told her. I told her things i didn't tell anybody not even May. I told her how he made he abort our child. How he kept me away from everybody. How he told me i wouldn't be anything in life. How he said that if it wasn't from him i'll be lost in life. I told her he abused me when we moved in together. He told me i was ugly and fat and worthless. He made me feel like shit like i didn't matter but i didn't leave i loved him so much even though i knew the love he had for me was gone. I didn't want anybody but him. I aways defended him i was always there for him no matter what. I felt myself being to cry. I tried to stop it but i couldn't

"Sweetie it's okay your free now. You did good you left him i'm proud of you."

"Thank you ms.moore that means a lot."

"If you want we can stop or continue it's all up to you."

"We can keep going."

"Okay let's talk about your new life.''

"Okay well i moved out of Alex house now i live with my friend Carlos."

"I remember him you talked about him a few years back when you guys first met."

"Yeah, I live with him now it's fine i guess. He's been a big help the past few months i really appreciate him."

"Hun what made you call me?"

"I got shot. And while i thought i was dead...I saw my mom."

Ms. Moore looked me me with worry in her eyes. "Tell me about it."

''I went out with a few friends of mine i guess i was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I got shot and i thought for sure that i was living my last day. When i passed out from the blood lost i saw her she wanted me to take her hand so i did.She took me to the park i went to as a kid. I was reliving all my moments i had with her. Before she died. I was hurt all over again i've been trying to forget but it's my mom and i feel like it's my fault she died and that makes it worst."