But Still I Hold On

#8

         Spending the day with Carlos was fun. Going to the gym was a good distraction.When we left the gym and got home i headed straight for the shower.

        I put on some music and got in the shower. The warm water hitting my skin felt amazing to me. I loved the smell of my body wash. In the middle of showering i heard noise coming from downstairs. Yelling. It sounded like Carlos but i didn't recognize the other voice. I rushed to finish showering. I got out the shower dried off and threw my robe on. I walked downstairs not all the way but enough to not be seen. I could hear everything that was going on.

        "I need to talk to her Carlos." Oh my god it was Alex what was he doing here.

        "She doesn't wanna talk to you Alex she's trying to do better and seeing you will make it hard for her."

        "I could careless bro i need to talk to my girl."

        "Damnit she's not your girl you fucked her over and she's better off without you now get the hell out of my house."

        "Where is she Carlos.'

       "Alex leave."

      "I'm sorry but i can't do that."

       In my head i wanted to walk down there and see what he wanted i kind of missed him but i knew it would make stuff worse.

       "What's your fucking problem bro leave she doesn't need you anymore!"

       "And what she needs you!"

       "Yes because i actually give a fuck about her!"

       They kept going back the forth with each other and i got sick of it so i want down there.

      "I don't need neither of you i'm grown and i can handle myself." They both looked at me at the same time then at each other.

      "Hey jess.." "Hey Alex what do you want with me?"

     "You haven't been answering your phone me and may have been trying to reach you."

     "Why? haven't you done enough?"

     He looked down because he knew i was right. "I know Jess but we miss you." I laughed i couldn't help it.

      "You hurt me you both did and you didn't care. you go to the mall and walk around like you're this perfect couple. Do you have any idea how hard it is to see you with her. You left me for her. I loved both of you with everything in me. That shit broke me when i found out."

      "Jess don't waste your time on him."

      "No i have way to much to say....Alex we were together for like 5 years and you decided to cheat on me with that bitch and you both kept it from me for god knows how long and you didn't have the balls to come clean. While we was together you treated me like trash for the last 2 years because i bet that's when yall first started fucking around. God i hate you so much for that. I also hate myself because i still love you."

      Alex and Carlos both looked at me. Alex looked down trying to avoid eye contact. I felt tears rolling down my face. I hate crying it was a sign of weakness.

       "Alex please leave our house."
 
       "Our house? What are you guys officially living together now like a couple?''

       "No." Carlos answered quick a little too quick it kind of hurt my feelings but i shook it off.

       Without another word Alex walked out the door. I didn't say anything to Carlos i just want back upstairs. I heard him call my name but i didn't wanna turn around. I walked back in my room and closed my door. I sat on the bed and just started crying. I couldn't hold it in. It felt better to let it out.