But Still I Hold On

#17

"How are you doing Jess?"

"I'm doing fine."

"Don't lie to me."

"I spent the last few days in the house. Not wanting to leave or be around anybody. I locked myself in my room and spent days crying because i couldn't sleep. Due to the fact that i keep having nightmares. I can't sleep i barely eat and i can't even bring myself to hang out with my friends."

"I'm pretty sure they understand what you're going through they don't blame you for wanting to be alone."

"But i blame myself for think i could trust somebody."

"It's not you fault this happened to you."

"I should've listened to Carlos."

"Jess don't blame yourself."

"Ms. Moore you don't get it. My life will never be the same."

"That's why i'm here to help."

"I know."

"Looks like that's all the time we have today. Jess please don't keep blaming yourself for what happened. With your mom and with Nate."

"Thanks Ms.Moore."

I didn't tell her about why i got took and the whole story behind it. All she knows is that i got into some mess and i got kidnapped by a guy i thought i trusted. I go see her everyday now. I went to the hospital and got checked to make sure everything was fine. I was okay well medically. I haven't been myself since i got back home. I tried the whole let's act like it never happened thing but the next day i broke down crying. I keep thinking maybe i'm better off dead.

I went home after i left Ms.Moore's office. The guys have been really helpful.

"Hey Jess. Carlos said he wanted to talk to you."

"Okay." I walked upstairs to his room and walked in.

"Hey Jess."

"Hey." Me and Carlos haven't been able to talk about anything since everything happened.

"Hi." I sat on his bed next to him. He looked at me and smiled.

"What?"

"We need to talk."

"About?"

"Look you know about me and the guys. You have seen a lot and heard a lot."

"Is this the part where you tell me i have to join you or i'll die?"

"No love i wouldn't let anything happen to you but i am asking you to join me."

"Join you?"

"Yeah work with me. Run this with me."

"Carlos i don't think i cut out of that."

"But you are Jess. You are one of the most strongest women i've ever met. I have seen you single handedly kill grown men. You got shot and still walk around like nothing happen. You are more then cut out of this Jess you are meant to be in this line of work."

"What if i mess up or something."

"Jess you have me and the guys plus the rest of my team behind you every step of the way. I promise you if you agree to being my partner we will have your back."

I can't lie and say i didn't want this cause i did. Being a leader of one of the most dangerous Cartel and kicking ass with Carlos seems fun. I been through a lot but maybe this is my calling.

"Don't you have to be married in order to have a partner."

"Yes but i was thinking maybe you could be my girl until i can make you my wife." I looked at him replaying the words he just said over and over in my head.