But Still I Hold On

#12

I liked staying with Timothy. Cause all the guys were there. I wanted to get away from Carlos so i went home. I knew he would be busy so i knew i'll be alone for awhile. I asked Damien to take me home.

I didn't talk the hole ride. I didn't wanna talk. I need to be by myself for tonight to get my mind straight. I got out of Damien car. He looked at me like he was worried. I could look at him and tell he didn't wanna leave me alone.

"I'm fine i promise."

"Are you sure? Cause i can stay."

"Yeah i'm sure."

"Alright." I went in the house and locked the door. I went up to my room so i could take a shower. I looked a myself in the mirror looking at where i was shot. I wasn't scared of death though. I was prepared to die that night. I knew what i was getting myself into. It was exciting more then scary. I'll do it again if i had the chance. Carlos wanted to stop me from doing this. Deep down i knew he was scared that i would become him.

I got out of my head and tried to not think about anything dealing with Carlos. After i showered i changed into an oversized t-shirt. I went downstairs. I sat on the couch and turned on the Tv. I put on the office. I got hungry so i ordered a pizza. After a few minutes the doorbell rung. I walked over to the door.

It was my pizza. The pizza guy looked me up and down. I got confused i looked down and forgot i didn't have pants on.

"I'm so sorry i totally forgot i didn't have on pants." He laughed. "No it's fine." He had a kind smile. His laugh made me laugh.

"I'm Jess."

"Hey Jess i'm Nate."

We stood in the door talking for awhile. He asked for my number so i gave it to him. I got my pizza and he left. I sat down and ate my pizza while watching tv. I heard keys. I guess Carlos was home. He walked in but he wasn't alone he was with a girl. She was giggling.

"Oh shit Jess i didn't know you were home."

I looked at him confused. The girl was drunk and so was he. She looked at me like she was confused. "Who the hell is she?"

I looked at the girl ready to hit her with my remote in my hand. "She's umm she's my cousin. She's just here for tonight."

Him and the girl walked upstairs. A part of me was pissed. Then i realized he had every right to sleep with whoever he wants. He's not my boyfriend. I ignored it and went back to watching tv. I got a text from my phone. It was the pizza guy Nate. We spent all night texting. He was really nice. He made me laugh. He asked me on date.

He wanted to take me to the aquarium then out to eat. So i agreed to go. It'll be fun. I fell asleep on the couch.

I woke up to Carlos making that girl from last night leave. I got up and walked pass him and went in my room.

He walked behind me. He followed me in my room. "Jess can we talk?" "About what your little guest?"

"Look i'm sorry about that i had a few drinks and"

"Carlos I don't care you don't need to tell me why you did anything."

"But i thought."

"You thought wrong now can you get out my room so i can shower."

He didn't say anything he just turned around and left. Nate was going to come get me at 5 i had 2 hours to get ready. I was excited to go hang out with him. I haven't been on a date in a long time. I showered and went into my closet to find something to wear. I picked out a long sleeved black shirt with a black and gray skirt. I let my hair down brushed it out and flat iron it.