Until We Bleed

An Attempt at The First Step Towards Betterment

Hi, I'm not dead yet! Enjoy!

...

"There you are!" Sora gasps and Roxas turns from where he's sitting on a picnic table in his favorite park. Roxas frowns lightly, "I'm not hiding."

"You've been gone for days!" Sora walks over, concerned, "Are you okay..?"

Roxas rolls his eyes lightly, getting off the table and shoving his hands in his pockets, "See ya later."

"Wait!" Sora grabs his arm and Roxas instantly shoves him back, eyes narrow, "Don't touch me."

Sora stumbles and catches himself looking at Roxas with hurt and worry, "Roxas.."

"Don't look at me like that," Roxas' piercing eyes glaring into Sora's soul, "You're the one who hit me, remember?"

"I'm sorry." Sora lowers his head and Roxas scoffs, "Everyone's always sorry."

Sora looks back at him, a look of almost betrayal, "Where have you been? Did you.. Go back to Axel..?"

"No, not that it's any of your business if I did." Roxas crosses his arms, "Look, I'm not in the mood to deal with this right now, so I'm just gonna go."

"Please, stay and talk to me." Sora takes a step towards him, but instantly stops at the look in Roxas' eyes, "Please.. You're my best friend, I just--I just want to be there for you and---"

"I'm not a project that you can fix." Roxas snarls, "I'm done talking about this, Sora."

"Roxas.." Sora stares, guilty and upset, "I never wanted to hurt you.."

"I'm not hurt, Sora," Roxas shakes his head, "I'm just done with all of this."

"Wh-what do you mean?" he asks softly.

"I'm done with the last few months of my life. All the drama, the bad things I did and someone else did to me. I'm just done with it, I want to move on." Roxas states.

Sora frowns, "But you're not moving on, you're just.. Ignoring it. That's not healthy, Roxas."

"If it works, it works." Roxas replies.

Sora shakes his head, taking another step towards him, "That's not how this works and you know it. Who's filling your head with this? Is it Axel?"

"Stop pretending that you know what's best for me." Roxas frowns, "Let me figure out my life for myself for once."

Sora looks away, "I'm just trying to help you.."

"I don't want your help." Roxas sighs, "Not anymore. I don't think it's going to do much more help at this point anyway. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly a good person."

"You are a good person!" Sora protests, glaring back at him, "You never give yourself enough credit!"

"I literally manipulated you into cheating on your fiancé, I exploited your feelings for me. That's not what a good person, or even a good friend does." Roxas replies flatly.

Sora is at a loss of what to say. He so desperately wants to protest Roxas' words, but he knows Roxas is right. Yet, he still wants so badly to be there for him, to be the one Roxas can always lean on. That's what he's always strived to be, isn't it?

"Roxas.." Sora still doesn't know what to say. Roxas turns and starts to walk away and Sora calls after him, "Roxas, wait.. Please, wait.."

Roxas just keeps walking and Sora can't make his feet move, a hopeless feeling of dread filling his heart and his feet feel like lead. Forced to watch his friend walk away, unable to ignore the facts Roxas has told him. Is that it? Does this mean their friendship is over now, after all these years? After everything they've been through together? Was it really all so bad that it had to lead to this? Sora can't tell if he's overthinking at this point and he doesn't know what to do.

Roxas walks along the sidewalk, he can't admit how ignoring Sora's calls actually hurts. It's not like this is the end, right? It's just for now, they'll still be friends. Won't they? Roxas sighs, sticking his hands in his pockets, Maybe not, after everything I just said to him. He can admit he hasn't been kind enough to Sora especially after everything Sora's done for him in the past, but this is the only thing he can think of to do to make up for it. 

A break is what's best in scenarios like this, at least that's what he thinks. Roxas hasn't been the best person to be around, not for a long time. He knows he's always been a little toxic and he blames that on his upbringing and then he blamed it on his relationship. Now he has to come to terms that he's the only one to blame for what he's done, and he's come to the conclusion that taking some time away from everyone just to find himself a better headspace will do everyone some good. 

So no more sleeping on Sora and Riku's couch, no more Axel, but really he hasn't spent time with Axel since the incident months before. Axel's been trying to make things up to Roxas, and he's mostly been ignoring it, but he does acknowledge that Axel's trying so he wants to try as well. He's decided he doesn't want to date right now, regardless of the feelings he still has for Axel, he knows no relationship will work if he doesn't better himself first. He's staying with Xion for now, thanks to her generosity, but he's going to make that up to her, too by getting a job. 

He doesn't want to have to keep relying on everyone. This will work, and then everything will be better, everything will make sense again. He assures himself as he makes his way back to Xion's apartment, Once I'm a better person, we can all start over and everything will be better. At least, he hopes that's the case. There's no telling if cutting ties with Sora and Riku and continuing to keep Axel at arm's length will do any good, but what other choice does he really have if he wants things to change?

He gets back to the apartment and knocks lightly before opening the front door and stepping inside, "I'm back!"

"Good timing!" Xion stands from the couch, "Look who's here!"

Roxas looks up from taking his shoes off and his heart skips a beat and he suddenly feels like he can't breathe. Axel stands from the couch slowly and he smiles lightly, "Hi, Rox.."

Probably should have told her about what's been going on between me and Axel.. Roxas frowns, I should have expected her to want to get to know him, too.

"Hi." Roxas says dryly. Well, there goes ignoring Axel until who knows when.

Xion looks between them, frowning in confusion, "Is there something I'm missing?"