Until We Bleed

Until There's Nothing Left

Sorry this took so long to come out. I'm dealing with a lot of loss of motivation issues among other things. I'll try harder, but I can't promise anything.

...

"Last night, I had a dream." Axel says as he stares up at the ceiling, spinning around in Saix's desk chair. Saix is sitting in a chair next to the window, raising an eyebrow at him, "And?"

"It was about Roxas," Axel replies, "About when we first met, when we were kids."

Saix listens quietly as Axel continues, "We were in a hospital and Roxas was crying. So I gave him my favorite toy to shut him up, and then we introduced ourselves. I often forget how much younger he is than me.. Four years.. Since that day he would always get mad at himself or me for his crying. I promised him he'd never have to cry again."

Axel stops spinning, sitting up straighter in the chair as he frowns and stares at the carpet between his feet, "He still cries.."

"Why are you telling me about this?" Saix asks, sighing as he props his head against his palm, his elbow resting on the window sill.

"I woke up because he called me last night." Axel meets Saix's gaze.

Saix just stares so Axel explains, "He forgave me. He still loves me."

"What are you going to do about that?" Saix asks.

Axel frowns, "What else? We're going to get back together."

"Are you sure that's what Roxas wants?" Saix stares Axel down with an unreadable expression.

Axel scoffs, "Duh."

"See, you don't actually know that," Saix sits up, crossing his arms, "Do you? Did he specifically say so?"

"No, but--" Saix cuts him off, "Then you can't say that so readily. Relationships don't work when one's wants overweigh the other's. You want Roxas back, and he may still have feelings for you, but that doesn't mean he wants you back."

Axel glares at him, "Why wouldn't he want me back?! We're working through this!"

"Tell me about the night he snuck out again." Saix demands.

Axel knits his eyebrows together, "Why?"

"What happened while you were having sex with him?" Saix asks.

"I didn't rape him, god!" Axel groans.

"Says you?" Saix tilts his head, "Why does Roxas think you did then?"

"He didn't say to stop!" Axel huffs, "He let me!"

"He knows you're stronger than him, Axel." Saix states, "Why would he fight back knowing he wouldn't win?"

Axel looks confused, stuttering. Saix continues, "Tell me about his body language, were you even paying attention to him?"

"He wasn't crying or anything!" Axel defends himself, "I already told you I didn't do that to him! Why don't you believe me all of a sudden?!"

"Axel, shut up and listen to me for a minute." Saix replies, "Just because he didn't put up a fight knowing he'd lose doesn't mean he wanted it to happen. Even if he didn't tell you to stop, or try to stop you physically, do you understand? Now, tell me about that night. How did Roxas move, how did he act while this was going on? Think about his body language, Axel."

Axel frowns, crossing his arms as he avoids Saix's gaze. He thinks back on that night, sighing heavily. Saix waits patiently and then Axel glances back at him, looking almost concerned, "He.. I dunno, it.. He just looked sad, he.. Almost went limp.. He wouldn't look at me."

Tears well in his eyes as he groans, leaning over and burying his face in his hands, "God.. So, I really..?"

Saix stares at him, his eyes soften lightly, "Do you get it now? This is what I've been trying to tell you."

Axel sighs again, dropping his hands and meeting Saix's gaze once again. He looks pathetic, "What do I do? I already apologized.."

Saix sighs, "Own your mistakes, apologize again and let him know he's not responsible for what you did. And then you need to let him go and move on, for the both of you."

Axel stares at him, and then he glares, standing, "Are you fucking kidding me? Don't you care how I feel at all?! He's the love of my life, I can't just move on!"

Saix simply shakes his head, "The love of your life doesn't want you. Get that through your thick skull."

Axel storms across the room and Saix stands just in time to be shoved back against the wall. Saix breathes out softly and finally glares back as Axel pins him against the wall by his shoulders.

"I am not like your precious Roxas," Saix says, "I can handle you in a fight."

He reaches up and grips Axel by the wrists, shoving him back, "Put your hands on me again and I will put you on your ass. You came here for my advice, and I am always honest with you, Axel. You and Roxas are just not good together. Get over it."

Axel glares back, shaking his head, "You're just mad that I chose him over you all those years ago."

Saix's eyes narrow and he clenches his hands into fists before he lashes out and punches Axel square in the jaw, knocking him to the floor. Saix glares down at him, "You are a conceited asshole who can't see anyone's wants but your own. I got over my feelings for you a long time ago. My dislikeness of Roxas has never had anything to do with you. I am unbiased, and I always have been. I want what's best for you because I'm you're best friend, Axel. Now get the fuck out of my house."

Axel turns and storms out. He walks down the street briskly, an ugly grey world around him. Sludge, remains of the snow and rain covers the ground, the sky is a dark grey, ugly. Everything is ugly. Without Roxas, there's no life, no happiness, nothing left in Axel's life. He walks back home and slams the front door behind himself. He sits on the couch, covering his face with his hands. Is this how it's always going to be? Roxas always brought out the best and the worst in him, and without him, there doesn't seem to be any good left. I can't be without him. I just can't.