Until We Bleed

Not Yet Ready

Roxas sighs, his breath puffs out in a cloud of white that quickly dissipates. Snow glitters across the ground of the small park just a few blocks from Sora's house. A park he knows well, one that holds many memories. He sits on a picnic table, crossing his arms to try and block out the cold as he stares across the landscape.

A sad nostalgia for the lonely, abandoned snow covered park. He used to come here daily when he was a bit younger. It has always been a place for him to clear his head and really think. One of the only things in his life he can count on to stay the same.

He hears quiet crunching in the snow behind him and then an unmistakable voice speaks up, "Roxas..?"

Roxas stiffens. He slowly turns and looks back, taking in the uneasy look on Axel's face. He clears his throat, "Uh.. Hey.."

Axel smiles back lightly, "Hey.."

They just stare at each other for a few minutes before Axel walks up to the table. He gestures lightly towards the table, "Can I sit?"

Roxas looks away, shrugging, "Free table."

Axel moves and sits on the table next to him. Again, there's silence between them. Roxas can't bring himself to look at Axel, just being so close to him is a problem. A bad and a good problem. Roxas just wants to go home, after a few weeks with Riku and Sora, he's sure he's overstayed his welcome.

Riku's still on him to break up with Axel, but Roxas can't bring himself to do that. He loves Axel, and he doesn't want to let him go. He wants to fix this so they both can be happy. Axel glances at Roxas, but he says nothing. He fights the urge to put his arm around the younger boy.

He wants Roxas to come back, but he knows he can't be the one to suggest it this time. And while seeing Roxas fills his heart with this swelling joy, it also terrifies him. He's afraid that this is the time that Roxas will leave him. Roxas sighs and afraid of what he might say, Axel interrupts him.

"Look, Rox.." he sighs, "I know you're probably not ready to.. Reconcile just yet. And that's okay. I just came here to think."

Roxas stares at him and he continues, "You probably don't know this, but I come here to think after every fight we have. So, we're both here to think, it doesn't have to be anything else. We don't have to talk right now."

Roxas looks away again, nodding slowly. He didn't know Axel visited this park often, but he isn't surprised. Or maybe he should be. He looks back at Axel, "Why do you come here after our fights..?"

"This is the best place besides our house that I can think about you. Our first date was here.." Axel replies, "It just helps me to think things through."

Roxas nods slowly, "Makes sense.."

"Yeah," Axel sighs, "Like I said, we don't have to talk until you're ready. I know I really messed up this time.."

"You don't.. Have to take all the blame.." Roxas speaks softly, staring out at the snow, "You're right. I'm not.. Entirely ready to reconcile.. But that doesn't mean I hate you, or that.. I'm blaming it all on you."

Axel looks back at Roxas and Roxas slowly looks back at him as well. They stare at each other for a few minutes and then Roxas suddenly leans forward, kissing Axel quickly. He pulls away just as fast, and looks away, "Let's not talk about that, either.."

"O-okay.." Axel looks away, blushing.

They continue to stare out across the park in silence. Axel sighs and steps off the table. Roxas looks at him but says nothing as Axel starts to walk away. He wants to speak out, to tell Axel to stay, but he doesn't. He can't. Not yet, no matter how much he wants to.

Instead, he watches Axel walk away until he can't see the redhead anymore. Roxas sighs and covers his face with his hands. He could have said something, he could have gotten back with Axel and things could have went back to normal. But he didn't, and they haven't. And they can't.

Things can't be the same, that's whole reason he let Axel walk away. But he still loves him, and he can't give up on him. Not yet, at least. Roxas shivers and gets off the table, sticking his hands in his pockets. He stares off where Axel had disappeared. He looks away and turns back, heading back the way he came.

He's been gone long enough, it's about time he gets back to Sora and Riku's. He walks away from the park, the street is empty save for a few people walking along the road and a car passes every few minutes. Roxas looks around as he walks. Pretty scenery on a dreary, grey day.

He gets back to the house and knocks before walking in. Sora looks over at him from the couch. He smiles, waving, "Did you have a nice walk?"

Roxas nods, shrugging, "Where's Riku?"

"He went to Kairi's." Sora replies.

"Oh," Roxas sits on the couch next to Sora, "What did he go there for?"

"Just to hang out," Sora yawns, "It was my idea. Kairi didn't think Riku wanted to be friends with her anymore so I made him go over to spend the day with her to reassure her."

"I see," Roxas shrugs, "Cool, I guess."

Sora just nods, watching TV. Roxas falls silent, watching the TV as well. Though he isn't really paying attention. His mind is with Axel, after seeing him again it's all he can think of. He kissed Axel, something he definitely shouldn't have done, but he doesn't regret it.

He doesn't know what to do now, though. As much as he wants to get back together with Axel, he knows he can't just jump on the first chance. So he sighs softly, hoping to have all this figured out by the next time he runs into Axel.