Until We Bleed

What Comes Next?

Roxas is numb as he stares out the window the next morning. Crystal white snow glitters under the pale morning light. Bright and beautiful, mocking Roxas with its natural purity. The pain he's felt physically is currently outranked by the mental pain that's wrecking his mind. Over and over, he just keeps reminding himself that he can't become his parents.

But I already am, aren't I? His mother is an emotional wreck, and a coward. Far too mentally gone at this point to leave the man who's both abused her mentally and physically for as long as Roxas can remember. She's too scared to leave him, even now he knows she's still there living with his father. His mother is kind, a gentle woman, but he hates how she just gives in to his father, just lets him do whatever he wants to her.

Roxas has grown to hate her, but he hates his father more. An angry man with way too many control issues. His father liked to teach his lessons with fists and a belt. Roxas still has the scars from such a session all over his back. His father yelled a lot, and when he was angry, fists weren't all that would be thrown. Holes in walls, broken vases and dishes, and bruises and tears. Those are the memories that Roxas knows.

His family was never a happy one, and he hated that, it's why he left in the first place when he was seventeen. It's why he made the promise to himself that he would never end up like them. He's scared that he's already broken that promise with all the fighting he and Axel go through, and then what happened to him last night. It scares him more that he still doesn't want to leave Axel, even though he knows he should, that he needs to.

Can I really never get out of this cycle? He turns as he hears someone coming down the stairs. Sora smiles at him and waves, "Good morning, Roxas. How are you feeling..?"

Roxas smiles back lightly, "Okay.. How are you?"

"Okay," Sora replies as he heads into the kitchen. Roxas turns around on the couch, leaning against the back to watch Sora move around, grabbing bowls and silverware from their places and putting them on the counter. He sighs softly and moves off the couch, walking over to the kitchen's doorway. Sora looks at him as he starts a pot of coffee, "Are you hungry?"

"Is Riku still asleep?" Roxas asks suddenly.

Sora looks confused, but he nods, "Uh, yeah, why? Would you like me to wake him up?"

Roxas shakes his head, "No, there's just.. Something I wanted to talk about, with just you.."

Sora's eyes soften, "Oh.. What is it?"

Roxas clings to the blanket he's got still wrapped around himself, staring at the floor. Sora tilts his head lightly, watching him. He waits silently for Roxas to say what he needs to say. Roxas takes a breath, glancing back at Sora with teary eyes. Sora's eyes widen lightly, but he tries to control his expression. It always hurts to see Roxas hurting when there's not really anything he can do about it.

"About.. Axel.." Roxas speaks softly, shivering. He licks his lips, sniffling as he tries to fight back the tears that want to fall.

"Yes..?" Sora asks gently, taking a few steps towards him.

Roxas looks away, clenching his hands into fists against the blanket. He doesn't want Sora to see him cry again, but he can't stop it. He shivers, closing his eyes as the unwanted tears fall anyway, "I.. I don't know what to do.. I know.. I know I should leave him, but I.. I just.. I can't.."

His crying quickly turns to sobbing and Sora gasps softly, closing the distance between them. He throws his arms around his best friend and pulls him close. His eyes fill with tears as well and he holds Roxas tighter, "I understand it's difficult, but.. I'm going to be here with you every step of the way if you want me to.."

"I still love him.." Roxas continues to cry against Sora's shoulder.

He clings to Sora now and Sora's left feeling conflicted and upset. Upset because of the pain Roxas has had to endure, upset because he doesn't know how to properly help him through such a traumatic event. He feels conflicted because his feelings for Roxas still exist, as strong as ever. But he loves Riku just as much, and he knows he has to be careful what he does or says so that no one gets hurt. Neither of them deserve that. They both have Sora's heart, and he'd do anything to make sure they both get to be happy.

At the beep of the coffee machine, Sora slowly pulls away. He smiles softly, wiping Roxas' tears away, "Riku and I will help you through this, okay? Riku's not going to be mad at you for having feelings, Roxas. It'll all be okay in the end."

Roxas just nods, looking away as he finishes wiping the tears away. Sora sits him at the table, then makes three cups of coffee before setting them on the table. Roxas wraps his hands around his cup and just stares at his reflection inside. As Sora's finished pouring milk into three bowls of cereal, Riku comes down the stairs. Sora sets the bowls on the table and smiles, running over and giving his boyfriend a hug, "Good morning."

"Good morning," Riku smiles softly, hugging him back. He glances at the table, then back at Sora, "Thanks for making breakfast."

"You don't have to thank me," Sora giggles, "It's just cereal."

"I already did." Riku replies, walking over and taking his seat at the table. Sora follows after and Riku gives Roxas a gentle smile, "Good morning, Roxas."

Roxas blinks, looking up at him. He smiles softly back, he's not used to seeing Riku be so open with him. He's not sure if it's something he should get used to, or if it's just Riku showing him pity. He just doesn't know, and he knows he shouldn't ask. So he just smiles back, "Good morning."

They start eating their simple breakfast when there's a knock at the door. Sora starts to get up, but Riku gestures for him to sit as he stands instead. Roxas watches wearily as Riku walks to the front door. He opens the door and his eyes narrow, a frown on his lips. Roxas drops the spoon he was holding as his eyes widen at who he can see at the door.

"I know he's here," Axel frowns, "I need to talk to him, clear some things up."