Until We Bleed

The Right Answer, The Wrong Answer? Who's To Tell

Sorry I've been gone for so long. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff in my life. I do have access to internet right now so I might try to put that to use and update somewhat consistently again, but please don't hold me to that. Thanks for being patient.

...

The world seems to slow around Roxas as his thoughts swirl inside the storm that is his mind. He has to say something, to make a decision even though he's not sure if he's ready to make it just yet. But they're expecting it and he doesn't want to be a disappointment anymore. He's afraid, of their reactions and his own. Why is everything so extreme? Why does he have to be at the center of it? He really wishes a storm would come and suck him up into oblivion right now. Crossing his arms over his chest, he takes a few more tense breaths. He still doesn't know the answer, but he can't keep stalling for much longer.

He looks away from all of them, afraid just glancing at their faces will change his thoughts, and he's sure it might. He's not usually so indecisive, but he can't stand having to make such a decision on such a short notice. What am I supposed to do? I have to say something, they won't let me stall forever. Roxas closes his eyes, tightening the grip he has on his own arms just to ground himself. Can the answer be that he doesn't want to make such a decision yet? Would they be angry with him?

He can feel them all waiting with baited breath. He has to make his move, it's now or never though never sounds pretty damn good right about now. Opening his eyes, Roxas stares them all down with confidence he doesn't actually feel, "Alright, alright already. I get it, okay? I'm mooching and stalling."

"We never said that.." Sora frowns.

Riku says nothing and Roxas can't read his expression. Axel just looks apprehensive. Roxas sighs, "Look.. I know you all want some answer from me, and I'm sure you're owed that much, but the truth is that I don't have one. I don't know what I want to do. Yes, I'm still in love with Axel, but I don't think I'm ready to get into it with him again. I appreciate the two of you for taking me in for so long, believe me I do, I haven't taken that for granted. Well, I've tried not to.."

He shakes his head, averting his gaze as the false bravado he held dissipates, "I don't want to make a decision right now. Is that.. Okay?"

Riku sighs, "While that is clearly delaying the inevitable, there's nothing wrong with taking the time to come to the decision you believe is the best for you."

Sora smiles, a look of relief washing over his face. Axel frowns, clear disappointment in his gaze as he diverts it away from them. Roxas looks back at him, he feels bad, so he looks away again.

"Ha!" Sora sticks his tongue out at Axel and Riku scoffs, pushing Sora back gently, "Stop it."

Axel rolls his eyes and scoffs, his unreadable eyes flashing as Roxas meets his gaze with guilt before Axel turns and walks away, "When you're ready, I'll be waiting. No matter what, forever if I have to. I'll wait for you."

It was meant to be an endearing speech, but it almost comes across as a threat, so Roxas just nods and looks away again. Riku approaches Roxas, his voice softening, "Would you like to go home?"

Roxas sighs and nods, "Yeah.."

Riku nods and turns to Sora, "Come on, we're leaving."

"Okay," Sora consents. The three leave the fairground together in silence, Roxas stuck in his thoughts. I probably just  made everything worse. When they get home, Roxas locks himself in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror with anger swirling in his dark blue eyes. A storm of emotion contained just barely. Gripping the sink tightly, Roxas glares back at his reflection.

"Why are you always like this?" he whispers at himself with venom in every word, "When are you going to stop being so weak?"

He scoffs at himself, looking away as tears start to fill his eyes. He's angry at himself for choosing indecision, even though at the moment it seemed the best option.  He curses, punching the mirror right in his stupid reflection. He shudders, breathing heavily as he continues to glare at the cracked reflection, his knuckles sting against the broken glass, smearing droplets of blood. Sora knocks at the bathroom door, "Roxas? Are you okay? Um.. Did you drop something, I heard.. Are you okay?"

Roxas finally tears his gaze away from his reflection, staring at the faded, wooden door. His swallows, pulling his hand back from the mirror, "Um.. Yeah.. Uh.. Do you got band-aids..?"

"Roxas," Sora's voice darkens, "Open this door right now."

Roxas frowns then sighs, walking over and unlocking the door. He backs up as Sora pushes the door open. He meets Roxas' gaze with worry, but he doesn't say anything at first. He glances to the mirror behind them, and back at Roxas after seeing it's been cracked. Roxas looks away, "Sorry about the mirror.."

Sora's eyes narrow and he holds his hand out, "Give me your hand."

Roxas glances back at him, doing as told. He watches Sora examine his bloody knuckles and after a moment Sora sighs, "It's not too bad."

He then glares and smacks Roxas upside the head, "What the heck was that about?!"

"Ow," Roxas puts his good hand to his head, glaring back.

"Well?" Sora demands.

Riku walks over, frowning, "What's going on?"

"Roxas punched the mirror," Sora puts his hands on his hips. Riku crosses his arms lightly, looking to Roxas, "Why?"

Roxas looks away, glaring at the floor. He's literally cornered, so he has to answer them. He groans, answering but refusing to look at them, "I'm mad at myself for being indecisive and weak."

"You're not weak!" Sora protests.

Riku sighs, "Roxas, you weren't ready to make that decision, there's nothing wrong with choosing the easy way out sometimes. There's no need to get upset about it."

"Maybe not for you," Roxas scoffs, wincing as he clenches his hands into fists, "You don't get it!"

"Then explain it to us." Sora purses his lips, looking conflicted, wanting to be angry and worried at the same time.

"I'm sick and tired of leaning on everyone else all my life! I hate it, I hate myself!" Roxas shakes his head, gritting his teeth, "My father was right. I'm never going to stop being a pathetic---"

"Shut up!" Sora smacks Roxas across the face, angry tears spilling down his face, "Don't you dare say another negative word about yourself, do you hear me!?"

"Sora.." Riku frowns, putting a hand on his shoulder, "I don't think you should have done that."

Roxas glares at Sora before shoving past the both of them and storming from the house as quickly as he can. Sora calls after him, but he ignores it. Sora tries to go after him, but Riku pulls him back, shaking his head, "Let him be."

"But I have to apologize!" Sora wipes the tears from his eyes, trembling, "I didn't mean to!"

"Let him cool down," Riku sighs, "It's just going to cause a fight if you go after him right now."

Sora looks at Riku and then back at Roxas' retreating form as he disappears from view of the open front door.