Until We Bleed

Falling Out of Love

Roxas hates to admit just how good it feels just to talk about everything with someone who doesn't judge him. He still can't stand being around Axel much, and he wonders if that would ever change now. His feelings just keep changing, and he can't ever keep up it seems. Not too long ago, he swore he could never stop loving Axel, and now? Well, he certainly doesn't hate Axel, but he's not sure if he still loves him. Though the thought of being with Axel again is still quite appealing, which only confuses Roxas even more on where he stands over the situation. Three weeks he's had mandated therapy via Xion and it has made him feel better in different ways. Roxas is grateful to have her in his life again, even if this wasn't what he expected from her, it's still nice.

He kept to the promise he had made himself, as well by getting a job while he's been staying with Xion. He doesn't hate his job as much as he thought he would, and it's nothing special like Riku or Sora do for a living. Sora and Riku, Roxas muses to himself one night as he's walking home after work, I should talk to them sometime soon.. He glances up at the stars shining above him, I should apologize. He sighs, sticking his hands in his pockets as he faces forward again. He's startled lightly when a car slows next to him. The window rolls down and he relaxes a bit, seeing Axel behind the wheel. Axel smiles lightly, "Need a ride home?"

Roxas stares at him for a moment before nodding, "Sure.."

He walks around the car and gets in the passenger seat. Axel starts driving and they sit in silence, Roxas staring out the window at everything passing them by. Axel frowns lightly, glancing over at Roxas before returning his gaze to the road ahead, "Can we talk?"

"Do you really think it would do any good?" Roxas asks softly, continuing to stare out the window.

Hurt flashes across Axel's eyes, "I hope so.."

Roxas sighs, closing his eyes for a moment as he leans back before opening his eyes and facing Axel, "Fine. We can talk."

"I don't want to keep going around in circles, Rox," Axel starts, "And that's all we've been doing. It's not going anywhere and.. I'm really sick of vying for your attention when you clearly don't want to give it to me anymore. I don't blame you, really. I know I'm the one who keeps messing up."

Roxas frowns, he wasn't expecting this from Axel of all people.

"It's not that I hate you.." Roxas replies lightly.

"I appreciate that much, honestly," Axel smiles lightly.

"Axel.." Roxas sighs, fidgeting with his seatbelt. He looks away from Axel, "I just.. I don't think I love you anymore.. But it's.. Still not as simple as that.."

"I get it.." Axel states, "I lost you a long time ago, and every time I try to get you back, it just.. Drives you farther away, yeah..?"

"Something.. Like that.." Roxas almost whispers.

"I still love you," Axel replies, "I know that's not something you probably wanna hear, but it's the truth. But I get it, you don't love me anymore and I have to be okay with that. Look, Roxas, the last thing I want to do is hurt you again."

Roxas doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything. What he said was true, but he still wants Axel in his life in a way he just can't explain. 

"Do you think," he takes a deep breath, "Do you think we could still be friends.. Eventually?"

"If that's what you want." Axel nods, slowing the car as he pulls into Xion's driveway, "I know I'd really like if we could."

Roxas nods silently, his chest feels tight and he doesn't know why he feels so sad all of a sudden. This is what he wanted from the start, isn't it? Axel to realize his boundaries and listen to him? They've clearly agreed they won't be dating anymore without so many words and yet Roxas can't fathom why he so suddenly feels like his world is ending. 

"Roxas?" Axel stares at him with confusion, "Why are you crying?"

Roxas quickly wipes his tears and unbuckles his seat belt. He nearly leaps from the car, "See you later."

Axel watches him hurry into the house and he continues to stare in confusion, What just happened? He shakes his head and backs out onto the road. Roxas sits on the couch in the living room, watching Axel's headlights disappear from view. He sighs and shakes his head, "What is wrong with me? Why don't I ever know what I want?"

He leans forward, resting his head in his hands as he lets out a shaky breath. Really, when will his emotions make sense to him? Would Sora know what to do? Or Riku or Xion? Should I be bothering them with all this? It's my problem so I'm the one who has to fix it, right? He groans, leaning back and dropping his hands to his lap, "I just wish I knew what to do, about everything."

"Only you can figure that out for sure," Xion states as she comes into the room, "But I can give you some advice if you want."

She sits on the couch beside him and hands him a cup of coffee, smiling softly. He returns her smile as he takes the cup from her, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she nods, "So, do you want to talk about it?"

Roxas tilts his head, did he? Not really, but at the same time he did. This only serves to confuse him more where his feelings were concerned. He ends up shaking his head, "I think I need more time to think it all over first."

Xion nods, taking a sip of her coffee. She nods again, lowering the cup, "I understand that, and I'm here if you ever do want to talk. About anything, okay? I'm not trying to invade on your life, I just want to help."

"I know, and I really appreciate your mandated therapy," he chuckles softly, "It's helped a lot.. So, thanks." 

Xion smiles, "Sure thing, Rox. What else are friends for?"

He smiles back lightly, "I wish I knew."

She laughs softly, "Sometimes, so do I. I got your back, Roxas."

He nods, "I got yours, too."

"Promise?" she giggles, holding up her pinkie. 

"Promise." he intertwines his pinkie with hers.