Until We Bleed

Full Circle Part One

Roxas' feelings may still be on the more conflicted side of things, but he believes he's been making good progress. So the next thing for him to do is get in touch with Sora and Riku again. It's been almost six months since he's been at Xion's, and he's had a lot of time to think. Really, time to think is all he's ever really wanted. He can finally start making things make sense again, at least a little bit. He repeats an apology over and over in his thoughts as he makes the way to Sora and Riku's house. A path so familiar, yet alien after so long.

All the confidence he had held inside slips away as he steps up onto the porch of their house. His hand poised to knock on the door, yet frozen in midair. Come on, Roxas urges himself,  Just knock. Two little words, just start with two little words.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, eyes glued to the faded blue colored wooden door. "That's all I have to say."

So simple, yet suddenly so hard to say face-to-face. He stands there, his hand still raised, and he just stares at the door in silence. His heart beating fast, he can hear it in his ears. His hand trembles, and just as he's about to step back and push this encounter to another day, the door opens. Roxas' eyes widen as he's standing face-to-face with Riku. Riku stares back at him with a look between surprise and indifference. Roxas swallows and forces himself to break eye contact as his hand drops to his side.

"Roxas, what are you doing here?" Riku asks calmly. Roxas is surprised to hear no malice in Riku's voice.

Whatever apology Roxas had rehearsed disappears from his mind as he stares at his shoes. In his head, it was Sora he was going to be interacting with, and now that Riku's standing here, it's like he has no idea what he's doing anymore.

"I, uh.." He mutters weakly.

Riku sighs and crosses his arms, "Would you like to come in?"

"S-sure.." Roxas nods, keeping his eyes glued to his shoes. Riku moves back to give Roxas room to slip past him, but Roxas can't seem to make himself move. There's a moment of silence between them before Riku speaks up again, "What are you doing here, Roxas?"

Roxas sighs and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to build up his courage again, "Is Sora here?"

He knows it's probably the wrong thing to say, but he's lost his nerve, and the words he wanted to say seem glued to the tip of his tongue, just out of reach. Riku sighs, running a hand through his hair, "No. What's this about?"

"I just.." Roxas groans, finally facing Riku, "When will he be back?"

"He's at work for another hour." Riku states, and Roxas frowns, "Okay.."

Riku stares at him, Roxas still hasn't said what he's come here for. Roxas stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets, pursing his lips. He knows he can't just stand out here in silence for an hour.

"It's.." Roxas sighs, "I kinda need the both of you here for.. Why I'm here.."

"Come in," Riku sighs, "I'll make some coffee while we wait."

He turns and walks towards the kitchen. Roxas hesitantly steps inside the doorway and then shuts the door behind him. It almost feels wrong to be inside without Sora there. He follows Riku to the kitchen and sits at the table, ready to wait, and remember the words he had rehearsed before Sora comes home.

...

"Oh, Roxas," Sora sighs, a gentle smile pulling at his lips, "Of course I forgive you."

Roxas hesitantly meets Riku's gaze, hoping he thinks the same. Riku is silent for a moment, and Roxas holds his breath. Riku meets Roxas' gaze with an emotion Roxas doesn't quite recognize. Roxas keeps his eyes on Riku, awaiting his answer.

"Despite your attempts to change," Riku explains, "Your flaws are still quite.. Large. I understand you, and I don't fault you entirely for what happened, but I don't think I can just forgive you so easily. You'll have to earn it."

Roxas nods, "O-of course! I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Then we'll have no problems." Riku smiles lightly, and Roxas is filled with relief. He smiles back, "Thank you."

After that, Roxas leaves, heading back down the road, not sure if he's ready for what comes next and if he can handle it today as well or if he should give it a few more days. Axel deserves an apology, too, but then again, so does Roxas. Neither of them were good for each other, no matter how hard they both tried. Some relationships just aren't meant to be. Roxas is glad to have learned that lesson, he only wishes he hadn't had to learn it the way that he did.

Roxas still struggles with the ideal of if he's truly a bad person or not and how that came to be. His childhood was abusive and awful, but can he really blame who he is on that? How much responsibility should he take for himself? He stops and stares up at the perfectly blue, cloudless sky. The warmth of early spring is a comfort. Surely, better times are ahead of him now. Right? He makes a decision and continues walking, his eyes on the road ahead.

The journey to bettering himself hasn't been easy, and honestly, he doesn't feel that different. He doesn't necessarily feel better, but he's willing to make changes now that he wasn't before. That's how he knows he's on the right track, at least some of the time. He walks until he gets where he's going, and he takes a deep breath. Standing on the porch of a home that used to be his, that he used to share with someone he thought he loved. Somehow, this time is easier than Sora and Riku's. He raises his hand and knocks on the door. He waits with baited breath, and then the door opens.

"Hey, Axel."