saturday morning, sierra is up and moving at 8am. she deep cleans her apartment with lauryn hill playing in the back. she dusts her windowsills and vacuums underneath the couch. she changes her bedding and scrubs her bathtub until it gleams porcelain white.
her phone ringing makes her drop her gloves and scrub brush into the tub, and she quickly gets off of the floor and runs into the living room to answer her phone, picking it up on the last ring. "hello?"
"ooh, do i need to speak to your ass! i thought i'd give you a day and let you live, but that day is up," rayana says, making sierra roll her eyes.
"what, ray?"
"you wanna explain to me why that nigga was in your house—sitting on his ass like he runs the place?" she asks. sierra can hear outside noise, which lets her know that she just dropped her kids off at their dads.
sierra puts rayana on speaker phone and takes her into the bathroom with her. "first of all, i don't have to explain that to you. and second of all, he doesn't run shit," sierra says.
"girl, fuck you. but i thought you said you were done with him?" rayana asks.
sierra sighs a heavy sigh. "i don't know. we went out, and then a week later we slept together— you what?" rayana interrupts, her voice loud and shocked. "sierra, please don't play with me right now. come again?"
"you heard me. we went out when i called you at work last week, but i stormed out because it was too much. and then i went to the club and saw him there with another girl... and then he came over the next morning. then cole had this thing and he was there, and he took me home and i invited him in and we fucked. and he stayed the night. and apparently was there all day," sierra explains. rayana is quiet for a long time and sierra asks, "are you still there."
"yes, im still here. i can't fucking believe you, dude. have you told mommy?" rayana asks. sierra lets out a loud laugh.
"and get my ass beat? you're funny, rayana," sierras mom wasn't fond of jack towards the end, but it all started when he missed sierras 21st birthday dinner, but showed up to the real celebration a few day later. it was a small event—sierras mother, her sister, and her two friends, and of course jack, but he didn't show up. sierra tried to not be so sad, but everyone could tell that she was miserable. she didn't stay at her apartment that night, afraid of being alone being that that she could legally drink, and stayed in her childhood home with her mother. she heard her crying on the phone to jack as he apologized profusely, and then ultimately told her "what do you want me to do about it, sierra?", and her mother had had enough.
rayana snorts. "true."
"and dont you fucking tell her either, rayana," sierra threatens, her voice turning serious quickly.
"chill, i won't. but what are you gonna do about jack. do you want to be with him or not?" rayana asks.
"i do. but i'm scared," sierra says. rayana hums and sierra sighs and starts venting about all of her fears when it comes to being with jack. she hates feeling like and option and not a solid choice, and that's how jack started to treat her—like he could have her whenever and wherever he wanted, at any given time. and because she loved him so much, she was always there until she wasn't. "and he just doesn't fight for me. he'll just let me walk away when i'm pissed, and call me the next day. he lets me walk out." she says, her voice cracking at the memories.
it was near the end of their run. they were arguing in his house after going out. she was upset about the company he was keeping, the women he encouraged his friends to bring around. his reassurance wasn't convincing to sierra, and after awhile he changed his narrative; calling her crazy and jealous, telling her she needed to calm down, which only set her off even more. she told him to go to hell and grabbed her stuff and left, and he didn't follow her. he called her the next morning and she cussed him out and then he pulled up on her, but still. it was the fact that he let her go in the first place.
