But it can't be over || Lexark ff

Who is Lexa?

City after city, we were moving farther. We only looked for food and fuel, never behind us. I couldn't count the amount of dead I killed already. It's been few days since the warehouse. Since she came and saved me.

We drove into another abandoned city, not a living soul, only the corrupting ones, the long gones. It was getting dark and was looking like a storm was near. We decided to stay in some good looking house for the night.

Lit the campfire and sat on either sides of it, like one of our first nights together. Before it all still seemed good. I've been waking up, screaming the name Lexa every night now. Every time Alicia would wake, too, looking very concerned at me. I knew it was a matter of time she would ask me this.

"Who is Lexa?"

She looked at me, so curiously, but also openly. Like she wanted to make me feel as good about it as she could. But there was nothing good about this. I still didn't know everything. I could see her face clearly now, I could remember some moments, and the rest I could only assume.

"I think..." I sighed and took a deep breath, "she is the love of my life." I looked up at Alicia and saw her smile at that, slightly. "And I think she's dead." She opened her mouth in surprise.

"What happened to her?"

"She was shot. I don't know why, when, where, or by who. I get these memories, these bad dreams, but it's so real, I feel like I've lived through it already, like it's not just my imagination." I looked straightly at her, before saying it out loud for the first time. "You know what the best part is?" I scoffed.  "You look exactly like her." Every time this girl would come across my mind, my heart felt like some heavy rocks were just dragging it down, my mind would befog, sometimes even my whole body would just go still. The pain was paralyzing.

Alicia moved closer to me, not for a second loosing the eye contact. "I'm really sorry, it seems like you really loved her." She took my one hand and slightly squeezed it, in somewhat a calming gesture.

"I think I did... but at the same time, it feels like it's been years since then," I shook my head. "I just wish I could know. Know who I really am, what am I doing here, who she was, just what's going on."

I could see Alicia speaking, she was moving her lips, looking at me, but I couldn't her her... not a single word... what is going on?

And then Alicia disappeared, everything around turned into a blinding whiteness. I wasn't sitting anymore.

I saw her. Sitting on the throne, knife drilling into the wooden armrest. Her stare was like made of stone, so firm, so brutal...

"You're the one who burned 300 of my warriors alive," she spoke up and her voice was as still as her gaze. So airtight...

But then a blonde girl showed up, right in front of her, as airtight as her, and I realized... it was me.

"You're the one who sent them there to kill us," me answered.

They kept talking, very formally, but another scenario showed up somewhere farther. I walked up there.

Smell of burned bodies, wood, and material. I saw light grey smoke, before two figures behind it. Us again. Me was looking at her, as she stared into the smoke.

"I lost someone special to me, too. Her name was Costia," she spoke up. "She was captured by the Ice Nation whose queen believed she knew my secrets. They tortured her, killed her, and cut off her head." And there was something about her face. She seemed not to suffer anymore, but she still held the memories in the inside.

"I'm sorry."

"I thought I'd never get over the pain, but I did."

"How?"