darling

The Beginning of the End

I peeked open my eyes to check and see that it was 6:03am. I wanted to drift off back to sleep but then I shot open my eyes realizing that today was the day. The day I have been dreading for months. Maybe even years of that matter.

I don't really remember the exact day I knew. I
think I was in the third grade and my sister, Cameron, and her best friend at the time came over. Her name was Angel, cringe right, but it really does fit her. With her white dainty silk dress, blue sparkly eyes with a hint of green, lengthy silky dark brown hair, her freckles that were scattered across her soft face. She had this cute little button-like nose and her perfect smile that would light up the room. When she would talk it sounded like she was singing me a melody. She had this sweet smell of strawberries that seemed to intoxicate my senses. Every time she was around I would get this weird feeling in my stomach, it kind of felt like a nervous feeling but a good nervous feeling. I always got this warm feeling around her and I just felt secure when she was around.

"ALEAH!"

A wave of panic rushed through my body when I heard my mom yelling my name.

6:55 a.m.

I must have drifted off to sleep thinking about Angel

I frantically was rushing around my house getting ready for school when I had 5 minutes before the bus was here. In my frantic rush to get myself ready for the day ahead, I quickly dressed myself in leggings and a hoodie, then nearly tripping down the stairs I grabbed an apple on my way and I ran out the door with seconds to spare as I saw the bus pulling up.

On the way to school, I just couldn't get Angel out of my head.
I never really knew what it was about her but it was just her. She stuck in my mind for years after that but she slowly seemed to fade away. Until now. Why now? Out of all days, why do I remember her now?

I felt the bus pull up to the school as kids were pouring out of the buses that were already there at school. I tried to push down my worries and anxiety but it wasn't helping one bit.

I walk in the school dreaded air wishing this time will never come. But I need to get this out. I hate feeling so alone, so lost. I just want someone that would be here with me. All I want is support.

The class periods felt like they were ticking by for days. Geometry went by slowly. When will I need geometry for later in life? I want to go to school for business, not to find an area of a circle. I don't understand why they are teaching us this at school. We should be learning about other things that we are actually going to use inlife. Like how to do taxes or how to buy a house. Not how to find the area under a curve-

DING! DING! DING!

My heart sank. It's time. But what if I'm not ready for this or if I break down or-

"You coming darlin'?" Kate nudged me.

"Of course!" I forced a fake smile and ran up to catch up with her.

"I hope we have pizza for lunch!" argued AJ. His hand was tangled with Brittany's acrylics rather than her actual hand.

"Ew! No! Pizza will make me fat! I hope we have salad," said Brittany, her face contorted into a cheeky smile when she saw me. Or maybe it was the mention of pizza. Perhaps even a mix of both.

Kate is my best friend out of the whole world. Her long strawberry-blonde hair is always styled into a new hairstyle everyday and her shiny blue eyes marked her as the beauty of our small group. The two of us became friends in kindergarten when she came up to me with a fuzzy Caterpillar, asking me if I wanted to adopt it. Looking back now, I silently smile at the childishness of the gesture, but it shows her true self. How truly genuine and kind she is. At the time of being pure and innocent, I truly believed that she was handing me the entire world in that small moment of rawness.

AJ was first introduced to me at a party. Kate had talked about him a little bit but not too much. She brought him over to the couch and we talked about the new drama play that was happening in our school. I never really saw him because he did backstage and I did acting. We talked for hours and we hit it off and AJ, Kate, and me all called ourselfs the three L's. It was because all of our last names started with an L, it was so cringey.

Brittany. She is, well,  Brittany. And if I say that in a negative way, I'd like to say that I mean it. From the moment we first met, her eyes were always filled with a sort of resentment towards my entire being. The reason of which I have no clue. I haven't ever truly liked her or have had the same interests as her. But, she is AJ's girlfriend so I have to deal with her and her snarky comments.

We all arrived at the lunch room, and thrust our bags down near our table. A habit that we've had since freshman year, and a habit that has gotten us into ISS numerous times. We waited in line for our daily slop that would end up going into the garbage at the end of the hour, and went back to our table as usual. The smell of microwaved Mac-and-cheese made me even more sick than it normally did. The pit in my stomach that had formed on my way to school was a threat, and I was taking the hint. I needed to say it one way or another, or the guilt would eat at me forever.

The group was talking about a fishing trip to the Great Lakes for biology class but I was in my own bubble trying to figure out how to start this conversation.

"And I heard that we get to sleep in a fancy hotel all by ourselves," exclaimed AJ.

"I love fancy stuff," said Brittany.

"Hey guys, I have been meaning to tell you guys something that has really been affecting me recently and I just really think I want you guys to know," the world felt like it would swallow me whole if I didn't get the words out in time. Like there was a time bomb on my back that would explode when the timer ran out.

"Because you guys are my best friends and I can trust you with the world."
"Yeah, you can tell us!" AJ leaned in closer to me, he gave me a reassuring smile.
5
"Don't worry we will not view you differently." Kate touched my hand. I know it was a sign of comfort, but it made the pit in my stomach ache even more.
4
"We are here for you!" The two said in unison. Their voices an echo chamber that ricocheted my worries upon their walls.
3
"Thank you guy for being so kind and I truly love you all, but I really just need to get this off of my chest and-"
2
"Can you just tell us already," snarked Brittany.
1
And here's the beginning of the end.
"I am gay."