Wild At Heart (Zuko)

Chapter Fifteen

There is a rustling of the trees that seems to be leading Zuko through them, he assumes they are leading him to Kali, what other reason would they have to communicate with him. So he follows the directions. Either it means she's in trouble or she wants him to find her. He's hoping for option number two here. He finds her sitting on the ground right in front of the tree that he's been using to hide his Blue Spirit mask which she is holding in her hand. She looks at him and raises an eyebrow. He gives her a look as he moves towards her.

"How did you find that?" He asks, sitting on the ground across from her.

"Trees talk" She answers and looks down at the mask. "Why?" She asks as she sets the mask against her face, covering it.

"Because I can" He answers and holds out his hand towards her for the mask. She tilts her head with the mask not handing it over. "Because it's exciting" He corrects himself.

"Because you are ashamed?"

"No" He argues quickly. But he's not even entirely sure himself why he puts on the mask. He could say that it's so no one sees his face. It could be a way to splinter himself. To actually be someone. To take what they need without paying for it. Because of his mother. Because of a lot of things probably.

"Because you are conflicted?" She continues.

"About what?" He counters. She shrugs.

"I'm just curious," She tells him, he frowns a little. Can feel her eyes on him, as if she's trying to see something in him. Like she is trying to see right down inside of his soul. There is a heat in her gaze too. A warmth. A shift. She likes the mask. Him using it means something to her. If she knows what it is, she doesn't show it. "I've known many men that wear masks" She offers as she pulls it from her face, turning it over to look at the front. "Not actual masks but...." She traces the lines on the face.

"And why do they wear them?" He asks, she pulls a face and lifts her eyes to his face.

"For power" She whispers and scoots closer to him. She holds up the mask and then sets it on his face, searching his eyes. Studying him in it. "But not you" She muses with a little frown, as if she's trying to figure it out. She sets the mask down and touches his face, touching his scar. And he allows it this time. His eyes flicker to her lips as she concentrates on his scar. Her fingers are soft and warm on his jagged scarred skin. He wants to lean closer to her. He wants to kiss her. He's thought about it a couple of times since that man in the village. When he saw her, when he realised what she's not done with that man, when he saw that she'd stood up for herself, he'd wanted to kiss her. And again when he was teaching her, there were moments when she was trying so hard to get it right, when she was concentrating, trying to do it. Moments when they are laying together. Moments when they are curled up. Her eyes flicker up to meet his when he leans closer to her. He brushes his nose over hers, testing the waters, waiting for her to pull away. He's expecting it. But she doesn't. She closes her eyes. Waiting for it. But he hesitates. He pauses. It hits him what he's doing. The line this will cross. His friend. He can't. He can't bring himself to do it. He pulls back from her and she frowns a little, rejection in her eyes. She looks away, clenching her jaw and he feels terrible. It's not that he isn't interested in her that way. She's beautiful and kind. She's shown him more kindness than anyone that wasn't Iroh in a long time. But he can't.

"We should go back," He tells her. "Before Uncle comes looking for us" She nods a little but makes no moves. She just sits there. Zuko stands and moves to set the mask back into the hollow but stops, staring at it. Decides not to leave it in the tree. He starts back towards the cave. "Kali?" He asks, turning to look at her but she's not there. He turns and searches for her but she is definitely gone. He sighs and looks down at the mask in his hand. He screwed up. With Iroh. With Kali. Maybe they would be better off if he wasn't here. Better off without him. Everything he touches turns sour. His family. His exile. His hunt for the Avatar.

......

Back at the cave, Iroh is sat by the fire, cross-legged, waiting for the youth to return. He figured Zuko would go looking for Kali, she always seems to cheer him up. Zuko stands behind him, in the mouth of the cave.

"Uncle, I thought a lot about what you said" Zuko starts. Iroh turns his head towards his nephew to acknowledge him. Pleased that Zuko at least thought about it.

"You did? Good, good"

"It's helped me realize something" Zuko starts, with no malice on his tone, no hesitation. This is something he has to do. "We no longer have anything to gain by travelling together. I need to find my own way" Iroh looks down and slumps slightly in sadness. Zuko nods to himself, this is the right thing to do for him.

"What about Kali?" Iroh asks.

"She'll get over it" Zuko answers and then walks away, leaving the cave behind him. Iroh closes his eyes and sighs.

......

Zuko walks away from the cave, pulling a bag over his shoulder. He takes a deep breath, calming himself, something about the idea of walking away now seems wrong. He was so sure of his choice. So sure of leaving, till Iroh mentioned Kali. Zuko should never have thought about Kali as anything more than a friend. Should never have looked at her like that.

"Wait!" Zuko turns hearing Iroh's voice. He leads over one of the stolen ostrich horses and places the reins in Zuko's hands. They share a look. "She'll be fine" Iroh offers softer. "I'll look after her" Zuko nods and then climbs onto the ostrich horse. Zuko looks back at his uncle once, then shakes the reins and gallops away.

........

Zuko doesn't get far before he realises that he wants to tell Kali himself. He feels like after the day, after everything else, he should be the one to tell her that he's leaving. He finds her easily, again, this time she's sitting on a fallen tree, her knees pulled up to her chest as she stares out at the clearing beyond. Zuko climbs down from the ostrich horse and moves closer to her.

"You're leaving" She states without looking at him.

"Trees tell you that too?" He asks, she shrugs a little and glances at the ostrich horse. "Ah" Zuko realises and then sits next to her. Both of them sit there silent. He didn't want to leave without talking to her about what happened. "About before"

"It's fine" She turns to him and shrugs. "I get it...." He frowns at her. "I'm just some dumb slave girl that can't even read..."

"No" He argues. "No" He shakes his head and looks at her. "You're my friend," He tells her. "And I've never really had a friend before" He admits and looks down. Embarrassed to admit that. "And I don't think you have either" She shakes her head in agreement. She hears him though. Friends. They both need friendship and nothing more complicated. They need each other as they are. "You could come with me" He offers, she looks back towards where Zuko left Iroh, back at the cave. "He freed you" He reminds her. "You don't have to stay with him"

"Then who will look after him?" She asks.

"He's a grown man...He doesn't need you to look after him" Zuko argues. "Me on the other hand" He offers, she smirks a little and looks down.

"Is that the only reason you wish for me to go with you?" She asks him. "Because I feed you?" He threads his fingers with hers at her side.

"No" He assures her. "Because you're my friend and I want you to come with me...." She looks up at him and then shakes her head. He understands that she feels some level of loyalty to Iroh, because he bought her, because he freed her, and he understands why she wants to stay with him.

"I'm not ready" She admits. "I don't....don't want to leave him" His eyes sadden but he knows it's not about him. That her choice is because she is finally getting to make choices on her own, but she's not ready to step out of her comfort zone with Iroh yet. And if he forces her to go with him, she'll just end up hating him for it. He then hugs her tightly and she curls into his chest, breathing him in. He doesn't know how long it's going to be before he sees her again, if he ever does and she knows it too.