Wild At Heart (Zuko)

Chapter Sixteen

Iroh is talking to Kali, or more accurately at her. She's not listening. Her eyes are on the trees beyond them. Listening to them talking to her. Things have been quiet since Zuko left. Lonely for her. Iroh is great, he is great to her, but he's older than her, he talks about tea and Pai Sho, which is fine, just not to the extent that he talks about it. She guesses he misses Zuko too, and talking about those things take his mind off of that, but she misses Zuko too. Even if she's not ready to deal with why that upsets her so much.

"Kali?" Iroh pushes, trying to get her attention.

"What?" Kali asks, turning to Iroh who ponders the fire.

"Fire-bending" He answers and then lifts his eyes to her. "Were you listening, Little Flower?"

"Of course I was" She argues, turning to look out at the tree line. Watching. Waiting for Zuko to come back. Every day is the same, even if she doesn't know she is doing it. Iroh stands and moves to sit next to her. They're held up under a plant made shelter whilst it rains, waiting for it to pass before they hit the road again.

"I was thinking that we could try you with some fire-bending moves" He offers as he sets his teapot over the fire.

"I like plants and animals" She argues. "I don't want to learn to do other stuff, I like what I can do. I just...."

"Want to be left alone?" Iroh asks her, she looks away. "I miss him too" She huffs a little. "When all you have are two people in your life, you are bound to form attachments to them, enough that when one goes away...suddenly"

"He was annoying and grumpy and I don't care he's gone" She argues, pulling her arms around her knees. Iroh gives her a look and she closes her eyes, resting her chin on her knees. She's not fooling either of them. "I just...."

"I know" Iroh stops her, assuring her that he knows. He knows she misses him too. But she's not good at dealing with that, because she's never missed anyone before. She's never had anyone to miss before. She doesn't know what to do with herself when she's feeling this way.

"I'm going to take a walk" She stands.

"In the rain?" Iroh asks, she shrugs and then peers up at the clouds before sighing. No. She can't go out in the rain. Not the way it's coming down. She sits down again and pulls her knees back to her chest. Iroh watches her, worried. She barely touched her breakfast, and she is barely sleeping. She's come a long way, physically, since they met, and he's worried she's going to shrink back into that emaciated scared little girl.

........

Iroh looks at the second ostrich horse and then at Kali who stands, staring out over the trees. It's very clear that she hasn't slept again, that she's finding it difficult to sleep without Zuko there. Without that presence. She trusted him to have her back whilst she slept, and it's not that she doesn't trust Iroh, it's just that she trusted Zuko more. She needs that. With her history. He moves to the ostrich horse and touches his neck before he checks the saddlebags, that they have all the supplies that are needed before he takes the reins. She can't stay here with him. It's time that she was really set free. She needs to learn how to make her own choices. Make her own way too. In whichever direction that takes her.

........

Kali lets out a breath as she adjusts her shawl around her to keep her warm, but it's not the same. Iroh approaches her from behind, the ostrich horse following him. Hearing them, Kali turns, frowning at him. They agreed that they weren't going to leave until the morning. Iroh gives her a soft smile and nods.

"What are you doing with him?" She asks him, he hands over the reins to her, and she doesn't need him to tell her what he's thinking. "No" She argues and shakes her head. She can't leave him. She doesn't want to leave him. She's not ready to go out there on her own.

"You're going to have to do it one day," He tells her. "Do you really want to be stuck with me forever?"

"You bought me" She reminds him. He gives her a look.

"Kali" She looks down, her jaw trembling.

"Please, don't make me leave" She pleads.

"Oh, Little Flower" Iroh touches her arms. "I'm not going to make you. You have to make your own choices, and not because you feel you owe me, or that you need to stay with me because I bought you, you're free now, remember?" She nods a little. "If you want to go...go and find him...or stay here....or come with me..." She looks down. "But pick the one you want..." She looks at the reins in his hand before she takes them from him. "I'll go on ahead, on foot...if you join me....then you join me, if not then.....be careful" He nods and gives her an encouraging smile before he picks up his pack and walks away, heading along the path. Kali looks at the ostrich horse who gives her a look back.

.......

Later, the sun setting in the sky, Kali sits alone with the ostrich horse who rests his head on her shoulder, waiting patiently for her to make up her mind. She's torn. She's never had to look after herself before. Not really. Not without having someone else to look after first. Someone to always put in front of her. But now. Now she has to choose. Left. Right. Straight. Back. Alone. Zuko. Iroh. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know which way to go. She looks at the ostrich horse and raises an eyebrow.

"What do you think?" She asks him, he makes a noise and nudges her. He misses his little girlfriend who went off with Zuko, so of course, that's his choice. Kali lets out a breath and shakes her head, trying to will a decision out of herself. She can be a scared little girl trapped in her past or she can do something new. Embrace change.