Much Ado About Pudding

Act III, Scene III

Courtyard. 

Enter ROBYN, shaking. She takes a seat.

ROBYN: If I don't talk to her I'm gonna explode. (Beat) It's so warm.

SERENA: And so quiet. When we planned our route onto here-

ROBYN: I expected it to be loud. Crowded. Chaotic. And windy as hell. I guess I still forget I'm not in Washington anymore. Beautiful weather, I- (catches puff ball) it's so beautiful.  (Cries) I'm nervous! Wait no...watch...they're going to observe...if nothing comes of it, we can still observe.

Puff balls float through the air. Crowd slows as they file out of classrooms from both upper and lower level.

ROBYN puts earphones into her phone and fondles the phone next to her while Serena cranes her head to watch.

THE GIRL comes out from lower building in summer dress and high heels. She passes Robyn, who doesn't glance until she passes by.

SERENA: Quick!!

ROBYN gets up and follows her nonchalantly until Girl approaches a stairwell and turns a corner. Crowd quickens. 

ROBYN: Huh? Where did she go?

SERENA: Maybe the bathroom. Wait. Stop. (Looks up stairwell) Nope. 

ROBYN sits opposite the bathroom corner and stairwell. Crowd quickens.

SERENA: I've entered a realm of plundering mores

But when I sat in front of you,

The world slowed

And revolved backwards

All for the sake of your glory.

ROBYN: I should be upset. Upset that she hasn't sit down. But suddenly, I'm fine. And I'm happy that I'm fine. I didn't freak out. 

SERENA: Did you ever notice those puff balls up close? 

ROBYN: (grabs and kisses Serena) I think I love you now. Today taught me a little bit of self love. I know what Zee means now. Hah!

SERENA: You know you want me.

ROBYN: Thank you for not causing me pain in this very very integral moment.

SERENA: It's not me, love. It's you. 

Enter NATHAN.

NATHAN: Oh, hiiii...

ROBYN: Do I know you?

NATHAN: You look familiar...but you have nice hair. 

ROBYN: what, this? (removes wig)

NATHAN: Ohhhh, it's Robyn! I thought it was you.

ROBYN: Yes, but...? I still don't know you.

NATHAN: We've met in orientation.

ROBYN: I wouldn't remember...

NATHAN: What are you looking at?

ROBYN: My crush.

NATHAN: Oooooh! Where is he?

ROBYN: I dunno. She just disappeared.

NATHAN: She?

ROBYN: Yes.  (Peers ahead.)

NATHAN: What does she look like?

ROBYN: Cherub face, brunette, big-ass eyes. She's really, really hot. I need to show you to her. You'll like her.

NATHAN: Makes her wanna date her already. 

ROBYN: Back off, Sparky.

NATHAN: Nathan.

ROBYN: She has a boyfriend. So neither of us really have a "chance."

NATHAN: You should find someone else.

ROBYN: No. Not if I can still befriend her. She was just walking into the bathroom and she just disappeared!

NATHAN: I'd check, but um, I'd draw too much attention. You get me? You go.

ROBYN: No.

NATHAN: Go!

ROBYN: No! I'm not a stalker. Why don't you go?

NATHAN peers around the corner. 

NATHAN: Ah. Yeah, I don't see anyone like that. How long you been tracking her?

ROBYN: Today was Plan C. She can't even sit down. She just disappears – whoop! Just like that!

NATHAN: My sincerest condolences, m'lady. Listen, Christine and I are planning to eat lunch in the cafeteria today. I'll be there.

ROBYN: I am not in the cafeteria on Mondays and Wednesdays.

NATHAN: Okay. Yeah...Christine decided to adopt me. I've been feeling unwell with life lately. Hope you don't mind. She says she wants to take us out for coffee sometime.

ROBYN: That's silly, she's not usually one to initiate.

NATHAN: Staring into the abyss, I see.

ROBYN: Oh, stop...

NATHAN: Don't worry, you'll hang out with her. Not me, though. (chortles)

ROBYN: Uhuh. Well, I have a club to get to today.

NATHAN: Which one?

ROBYN: Toastmasters.

NATHAN: You must be good.

ROBYN: No, I'm shit. They don't listen to short tomboy pipsqueaks.

NATHAN: Well, good bye, you tomboy. 

NATHAN exits. 

ROBYN: If he hits on me, I'll get mad. 

SERENA: Dude. I forgot her face again. 

Exit. 

Blackout.