Much Ado About Pudding

Act IV, Scene VI

Courtyard. Afternoon after class.

Enter ROBYN from stage left. ROBYN joins SERENA sitting at a bench.

ROBYN: It's warm today. Too warm. Remember we were sitting in class earlier, and suddenly after much worrying, we just turned off and we felt...nothing? What if we can maintain this feeling? I think we can. I'm feeling unusually good about today. Oh. Because it's so warm today.

(Somebody passes in white dress on top of balcony)

Oh! Up there – balcony. Could that have been her? When I'm swelling with all this- this anticipation, the periphery of my vision gets all golden-purple, sparkly, and maybe a little glossy, from the glow of the afternoon sun. 

Wander round the premise

Find you, see you, keep you, divine

To which extent your beauty surmise --

I, for one, will make you mine.

Serena: Weird flex, my dude, but okay. At least try to concentrate on your work. Can you do that?

ROBYN: ...no.

ROBYN opens a textbook to a random page.

ROBYN: What happens if she sees us and she goes the other way or something?

SERENA: We'll catch up to her and be casual about it.

ROBYN: Yeah, but what if it looks like we're tailing her.

SERENA: Then be very casual. Very warm. Friendly. Calm. Harmless. 

ROBYN: Oh, harmless? Are you implying something? Geez, this is what I'm reduced to. I'm not convinced, Serena!

SERENA: (Pushes ROBYN'S head into pages) Read! No one suspects girls who read!!

Time lapse. People are starting to come out.

ROBYN: Fine. Go big or go home. (Throws up on side of the bench)

SERENA: You know, for two entire hours of sitting, you're sure desperate.

ROBYN: Hey, I'm desperate, but this is more interesting than reading Holocaust accounts for homework.

SERENA: How about we just pretend like rejection is like having nothing to lose? If she hates you, then she hates you! The more ya know!

ROBYN: A sea, and the seahorses are floating out in delightful serendipity – hang on. That sounds redundant.

(Enter THE GIRL. The crowd slows)

SERENA: The sunshine has trickled in through the clear and shining sea!! Hey, whaddya know, she looks a little different from afar than in my mind.

ROBYN: He-e-ey!

THE GIRL: Hey.

ROBYN: I don't know, she looks a little fazed. Am I right?!

SERENA: Go, go, GO!!!

ROBYN tosses her books into her bag, runs up to THE GIRL and leap frogs over one shoulder. THE GIRL starts in bemusement and surprise.

THE GIRL: Oh, hello again!

ROBYN: Hey! I know, I'm getting a little old for this! But I'm also heading to the parking lot...h-how are you?

THE GIRL: Good, how are you?

ROBYN: Good, and how are you? (ROBYN grimaces)

THE GIRL: It's all right, thank you. I'm just, you know...on my way home, I guess!

ROBYN:  Oh, beware the latest power outages, they're turning off all over town.

THE GIRL: Oh yeah! I'm aware. I think I'll be fine.

ROBYN: So, uh, I, I got a request for you?

THE GIRL: What is it?

ROBYN runs up ahead, spins and points at THE GIRL.

ROBYN: HANG OUT WITH ME!

THE GIRL: Oh, shoot, I don't have time today.

ROBYN: Ah!

THE GIRL: Yeah, um, I have a part-time job after this.

ROBYN: Well, that's fine. I just had a friend who couldn't come along, then I saw you, so I figured I'd invite someone along...ANYONE IN THIS GODFORSAKEN COLLEGE!

THE GIRL: Yeah, well, sorry about that. I have to finish my essay, and then I have to get to my work.

SERENA: (hysterical) So you like to procrastinate on essays too? Girl, we have so much in common-! 

ROBYN: Just take a nap.

THE GIRL: I wish. But I'm going to be pretty busy.

ROBYN: I'm busy too-

THE GIRL: -since it's more than halfway through the semester.

ROBYN: Who do you work as?

THE GIRL: well, I work as both a bioengineering intern but I also babysit.

ROBYN: Awwww!!

THE GIRL: Yeah, I guess!

ROBYN: Where you parked? Cuz I'm...wayyy over there.

THE GIRL: Just right here.

ROBYN: Oh. Makes sense. Well, I'll see you..whenever! Bye- bye!

THE GIRL: Yeah!

(THE GIRL exits)

SERENA: I'm calm. I'm calm...I'm calm...I'm calm...I'm going to remain calm for the duration of my life. It is over. It is good. God is good. (Beat) Did you see her face, though?! When I saw it up close, it was like you telling me, hey, it's a human face. Not a monster face. Don't be afraid. Be can get used to that face.

SERENA: Uhuh, yeah, that was me all right. And that teeeeeeny little voice inside your head telling you, 'hey, maybe she's just another basic girl not to lose your shit over since she acts like one and talks like one'? That was me too. But Robyn...ROBYN, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAP, FOR GODS' SAKES?? (Beat) But we don't feel any heavyweights in our chest today?

ROBYN: She reminds me of a sunset that tinted the clouds pink for a few sacred seconds before dusk collapsed onto it. I need some more blackberry tea. I always get blackberry tea on Wednesday. Then blackberry teas can taste a little more like Wednesdays. (ROBYN sobs) I'll be okay. I'm not sad. I'm relieved.

 SERENA plays a cover of "Fine on the Outside" by Priscilla Ann on her ukulele as ROBYN exits, and continues through transition. 

Blackout.