Much Ado About Pudding

Act III, Scene IV

Library entrance.

Enter ROBYN, in wig and dress, and SERENA. 

SERENA: Right over here. Just wear your sunglasses so she doesn't recognize your eyes. Actually, put them away, put them away. You look like a cripple. 

ROBYN: 12:40pm 

SERENA: (breaks fourth wall) If I could be so kind as to fill our audience in on Plan D. On the first day meeting The Girl, she was in the library at this exact time. Assuming that Robyn foregoes her next class for the next few minutes, her next plan of action is to track down girl when she enters and then start a...Robyn, what do you wanna do, anyways? (Pulls out Robyn's monologue) Are you going to ask her to listen to your campy monologue?

ROBYN: (Rips monologue in half) No.

SERENA: Are you sure?!

ROBYN: I am done using a crutch. Anyways, I got a better idea.

SERENA: I'm proud of you, Robyn.

Background lights up. ROBYN approaches SERENA, who puts on The Girl's wig and moves to a desk.

ROBYN: Hello, there! Are you interested in the good news of our lord and destroyer Chtulhu?

SERENA: How am I supposed to react?? 'Hi!'

ROBYN: Or she could completely ignore me.

SERENA: (resumes roleplay) La dee daa...I'm ignoring you because you weird.

ROBYN: Or she could slap my face.

SERENA slaps ROBYN.

ROBYN: I don't think she's the slapping type.

SERENA: Yeah, no kidding!

ROBYN: Now smile and say a couple banal words which I'd forget because this creature is actually talking. Talking to me.

SERENA: Oh, hi, yeah, um, sounds cool. I dunno what a Chtulhu is.

ROBYN: Recognize me.

SERENA: Hey, aren't you that girl...where did I see you before?

ROBYN: But would she really recognize me in this wig? Look, I'll put on sunglasses if I have to-

SERENA: Don't bother. You're embarrassing us.

ROBYN: Right. We'll keep the wig. Now, act disinterested.

SERENA ns back to her books. 

ROBYN: God, I'd rather be slapped now. Okay, stare.

(SERENA stares)

ROBYN: Act relucant. 

SERENA: der der derrrrr, der der derrrrrr, whaddya want? I have a boyfriend, you know.

ROBYN: Yeah, and?

SERENA: Then why are you being creepy around me?

ROBYN: I am? Heheh...heh. I had no awareness.

SERENA: Yes you do! First you stare at me and my boyfriend all day, then you try to hit on me, and now -- !

ROBYN pushes SERENA.

ROBYN: Oh, maybe I like you some. But I swear to the non existent god that my love for you is enshrouded in the worship of the female form! Of female beauty! Tell me, how is that wrong? Tell me, do you change a heart's biggest desire? AM I WRONG?? (Beat) I'm sorry. 

SERENA: Well. That escalated quickly. 

Background fades. SERENA takes off her wig. 

ROBYN: Infinite outcomes. Too afraid to figure out which one.

SERENA: The best thing you can do right now is act nonchalant.

ROBYN: God, I can't believe I'm finally here. Meditating. In the library.

SERENA: 12:45.

ROBYN: She's not here. Maybe that means I can relax. Ommmm....ommmm...ah....dear Izzy. You asked me to rate myself along my progress. On a scale of 1 to dead, I think I'll give myself a 3. 

SERENA: (Shakes ROBYN) I have not the fortitude to find out whether she'll come. I think not knowing after 12:46 is more comforting. Well. Class time?

Both head into the bathroom to wash their hands and for ROBYN to apply extra lipstick and adjust her wig.

ROBYN: What have I been reduced to, for a girl....nuts.

Students pass in and out of stalls.

SERENA: Do you ever notice, Robyn? How the stalls have that bathroom disinfectant smell, like the smell artificial cherry flavoring from the Toys R Us bathroom? Oh...

ROBYN: It's hard. I mean, I have a plan, but even harder when you don't find her when you need her. The chances of bumping into her, by herself, are statistically low. 

SERENA: Robyn, do you think overdid it with the lipline?

ROBYN curses. Blackout.