Much Ado About Pudding

Act III, Scene VI

The cafeteria on a Thursday. NATHAN, CHRISTINE and her two other friends CAROLINE and MACKENZIE are casually chatting.

Enter ROBYN and SERENA.

ROBYN: Hi-i-i. What?

CAROLINE: Nothing.

CHRISTINE: I think you've met Caroline and Mackenzie before? Remember?

ROBYN: No.

MACKENZIE: Wait, yeah! I met you before at-

ROBYN: (Not listening) No! (Slumps against table) Drama professor will give me a penalty if I leave five minutes early from class now. I wish I knew how I could tell her these five minutes mean the whole world to me. Happy Halloween, bitches.

MACKENZIE: Well, you look pretty cheery this time in the day. 

CAROLINE: Is there something you're not telling us, Robyn?

MACKENZIE: Are you still crying?

ROBYN: (looks at candy bar) Christine, what did you tell them?

CHRISTINE: Tell them what? Leave me alone, I'm reading.

CAROLINE and MACKENZIE giggle.

ROBYN: Why I'm-what I'm- YOU KNOW!!!

CHRISTINE: I know nothing.

ROBYN: Fine, you win!  I'm just trying to abstain from her today.

CHRISTINE: Robyn, no. I told them that you were feeling depressed for your "personal reasons" and that's why you need understanding.

ROBYN: Oh...

CAROLINE: Did you have a Vine in high school? You look like you had a Vine. You have the personality.

ROBYN: What kinda question is that?!

CAROLINE: Did you have a Vine?

ROBYN: No.

SERENA and CAROLINE: (aside) she totally had a Vine in high school.

CAROLINE:  I saw a girl in Forever 21 clutching at a coat on a hanger and sobbing into it. She looked a lot like you. I wanted to help her, but she looked, um, preoccupied. Robyn, what is it? Was that really you?

ROBYN: Forever 21?!

MACKENZIE: Yes, darling, what are you so upset about?

ROBYN: Bold of you to assume I'd shop around in a cheap-ass clothing store.

CAROLINE: Robyn, we're going to the bookstore.

MACKENZIE: Would you like to come with us, Robyn?

ROBYN: Fuck it.

CHRISTINE: Calm down, dude.

Exit CAROLINE and MACKENZIE.

ROBYN: Why are your friends so catty?

CHRISTINE: Catty? You're the one always giving them attitude, Robyn. 

ROBYN: Because they're catty. (Beat) That was me. I head to the mall by myself, usually. I don't usually go to Forever 21, but I almost broke down in tears when I saw on of the dummies had The Girl's exact skirt replica. So I went inside, wondering if I should buy it too...

CHRISTINE: Ohhh, get her out of your head already!

NATHAN: What a beautiful metaphor, Robyn.