Much Ado About Pudding

Act V, Scene IV

Courtyard. SERENA, as ROBYN, is crouching behind some bushes, half-hidden from sight.

Background lights up.

Enter THE GIRL.

SERENA: Pudding!

THE GIRL: Oh! Pudding?

SERENA: Shoot, was that a giveaway?

THE GIRL: (laughs) That's a cute nickname!

SERENA: Right. Um, so, the day after tomorrow is your last day, right?

THE GIRL: Yep!

SERENA: Riiight. Oh, I have a suggestion! After my finals this Thursday, I'll be celebrating by going into the tea shop. If you want to, and if you have time, join me there, I'd love to see you as my friend. Otherwise – no worries, and no pressure!

ROBYN'S phone rings.

Backgrounds fades away as ROBYN gets pulled from her daydream.

Exit SERENA. 

ROBYN: Moshi-moshi. Christine? Mhm, yep...yep...what...what?! Ok. That's just...that's just great. Did he hurt anyone else? Besides himself....ok...yeah, I agree, but I actually have some pepper spray in my bag. No, I'm staying here! Just gimme a few more minutes, dammit...okay, if he comes up, I've got witnesses. Yeah. I haven't seen him since. Ok. Okay, I'll be fine. Quit chewing on my ear.

Enter NATHAN.

NATHAN: Hey, hey! Robyn!

ROBYN: Back off.

NATHAN: Bro, what?

ROBYN: Back off!

NATHAN: What's the deal?

ROBYN: You know why.

NATHAN: Oh – oh, is it because of yesterday? 

ROBYN: You groped me.

NATHAN: What? Oh, that. Yeah, Mackenzie literally pushed me, and I ended up accidentally...

ROBYN: You still groped me.

NATHAN: Robyn! Mackenzie was being such a jerk yesterday, and if she didn't push me...

ROBYN:  Even if that was true, which it isn't-

NATHAN: Ask Mackenzie, she'll tell you the same thing!

ROBYN: Christine told me the entire truth. No, you listen to me – I was just told by Christine and her friends that after I left, you sniveled, cried, and then – you punched the table. God, I don't know what would've happened to me if I was there.

NATHAN: (Draws blank) Wait. That's stupid. It was nothing to do with the groping. I was just upset because you left...

ROBYN: Exactly! Getting all violent...

NATHAN: I wasn't violent on anyone! I was really upset...and drunk. 

ROBYN: ...and after groping me!

NATHAN: Look, ask Mackenzie! Ask her, whether she deliberately tipped me over. 

ROBYN: Yeah. Yeah, I'll ask Mackenzie all right. WHY did you invite me at all, you fucking incel?! To spike me with some shit? God, I hate Anelise, but she was SO DAMN RIGHT. I could've been assaulted.

NATHAN: Because this 'fucking incel' stopped wanting to be one after that day! And I blew it! I blew it! It had nothing to do, and for the love of fucking God, I can't believe you'd stoop so low to call me a...what is it?

ROBYN: Hey, now you got fractures on both hands because you're a sad, angry little boy.

NATHAN: Robyn. I would never hurt anyone. Okay, I have anger issues. But after having such high hopes the other day – you know what that's like! – it spilled over the top. Your "hoes" -- whom you invited over first, by the way -- came and I got gypped into taking too much. But I'd never take it out on you. Or take advantage of your while drunk. Mackenzie even admitted that she was the one responsible for chasing you guys away. 

ROBYN: MACKENZIE SUCKS!!!

NATHAN: Well. That's one thing we can agree on. 

(Silence)

NATHAN: So can we agree that Mackenzie is the one that pushed me, I didn't mean to touch you, and my upset wasn't directed towards you?

ROBYN: Shut up, I'm thinking. What are you staring at? No, really. What are you staring at?

NATHAN: Is that...is that...(NATHAN points behind ROBYN)

A fluffy hat bobs above the bushes on the way out to the parking lot. ROBYN flies out behind the bushes to check.

Exit ROBYN in a run. She comes trudging back, clutching a stitch at her chest. NATHAN approaches.

NATHAN: Was that...ohhh, you were waiting for...ohh, I see, I see.

ROBYN: (voice cracking) You did this, Nathan. You...distracted me. It could've been my last chance to catch up to her. Ask her to hang out. I don't know whether she has exams Thursday. And I don't usually see her on Wednesdays-!

NATHAN: Hey, I'm still sure we can look for her tomorrow! Hey, if I can help- Wait, we can still catch up to her in the parking lot-

ROBYN: NO. No...I'm not gonna stalk her. I'm not gonna stalk her. All the shit I bothered her with...no.

NATHAN: Robyn, wait-

Exit ROBYN.

Blackout.