Much Ado About Pudding

Act III, Scene VII

Courtyard.

Enter ROBYN, NATHAN and CHRISTINE. ROBYN scrambles to hide behind the corner of a building, across where THE GIRL presumably studies. 

ROBYN: Okay. If she's parked in the back lot, she should come our way. Don't look at me like that, Christine! 

CHRISTINE: I'm not stalking her like...that. 

ROBYN: We're not stalking her, we're just...! Nathan, you go ahead and take a look ahead in case I miss her. Then signal to me.

Nathan: Yes, ma'am!

Exit NATHAN.

ROBYN: Remember: if you see her, just say, "Pudding!" (Aside) I love that guy.

Enter THE GIRL, coming out of class.

ROBYN: (to CHRISTINE) Do something! (Fishes out phone) Here!

ROBYN keeps looking over shoulder in between shots. Meanwhile, THE GIRL chooses the longcut around the building and disappears.

ROBYN: Shit!

CHRISTINE: Did you see her?

ROBYN: Yeah. Yea yea yea yea yea YEA she went onto the other side...! Come quickly...! Carefully, carefully...Nathan!!

Enter Nathan. 

NATHAN: Yeah! I saw her! 

ROBYN: Come, come, come! 

NATHAN sprints off onto the other side where the shortcut and longcut connect while ROBYN and CHRISTINE resettle a small ways away. ROBYN, who doesn't know how to pose, contorts herself into all kinds of improvised positions as CHRISTINE snaps away.

THE GIRL approaches NATHAN, who is facing the other way.

ROBYN catches NATHAN's eye and points to THE GIRL. Nathan shrugs with confusion to Robyn. THE GIRL passes by NATHAN. 

ROBYN facepalms, smacks the back of her hand against her palm and points with more emphasis. 

NATHAN finally turns around and sees THE GIRL walking away.

ROBYN, NATHAN and CHRISTINE reconnaissance.

NATHAN: Hey, we can still go on...to the parking lot...come on!

ROBYN: Nope. Abort, abort plan, you guys! Well, what did you think?

NATHAN: Wow. You know, looking back at her, I really did see that she was beautiful.

ROBYN: See?

NATHAN: Well...(extends hand. ROBYN falls into his shoulder)

ROBYN: We failed gracefully.

NATHAN: Still should've given her that poster.

CHRISTINE: Robyn, are you upset?

ROBYN: No! Yeah...well... it's like, you know, I came to the realization that nothing I ever do even works. I can still come up to her as a last resort tomorrow, and try to get her name and number and recording of voice under the guise of an interview, since that's how it works-

NATHAN: Whooo, that sounds a little much!

ROBYN: Just that one thing. And then I'll have to stop because I am not a stalker.

CHRISTINE: We just stalked her hardcore. You should back off altogether.

ROBYN: It's not stalking if she didn't know!

CHRISTINE: She might!

NATHAN: You still look upset.

ROBYN: I'm okay, Nathan. I think...it took me this long to realize that I have to be okay with being okay. (She sniffs) Even though I'm so fond of her.

CHRISTINE: Love her?? You barely even know her!

ROBYN: IT FEELS LIKE TRUE LOVE!

NATHAN looks at CHRISTINE, who shakes her head.

NATHAN: Are you going to be okay?

CHRISTINE: Yeah. For now. I saw her today. That's enough for me. Then when I climb into bed tonight I'll miss her. 

Exit NATHAN and CHRISTINE.

ROBYN enters the café bathroom AKA left wing of the stage.

Enter SERENA. Both wash their hands in sync.

SERENA: I still have to remind you about our project. We need to text Jenna back and tell her that our section is still MIA. Deadline's tonight. I know, so classy. But it's not like I have friends to spend a frat party on Halloween stuff anyways. We're too alternative for that, I think. I mean, look at us. Halloween meant running around for some chick that... Christine, you're totally right – I don't even know what to tell you anymore. I'm still kind of tickled pink, though. 

How exactly do we apply the mascara, do we zigzag it or just glide it on? Take off your wig, it looks stupid.

ROBYN takes off wig and applies mascara and lipstick. 

Beautiful. Now, can I send a big-ass video project through email? Wait, maybe text is better. Don't overline the lips. Huh. I could get used to this diva shit. Deep breaths, baby.

Enter THE GIRL, coming out of bathroom stall and towards sink.

SERENA: OH SHIT!!! No. Just – act calm. Act calm. Act calm. Act calm. We're going to get our shit together and – how the hell is she not seeing you shaking? – we're gonna play it cool. Play it cool. See that beautiful skirt? Oh, it's gorgeous. Feel it! We're gonna play it cool...breathe deep...we're gonna compliment her...three, two, one. Go.

ROBYN: Dude, I really like your skirt, where did you get it from?

THE GIRL: Oh, thank you so much! I actually got it from Forever 21.

ROBYN: I like that store! I, uh, glad to know! Because I -- I was there last time. And I'm not usually there but- but - I was there last time. Even though I don't often visit.

THE GIRL: Ah!

ROBYN: Yeah. 

Beat.

THE GIRL: Bye!

ROBYN: Wait! What's your name?

THE GIRL says something unintelligible.

ROBYN: (Peeks out from behind corner) I'm Robyn. Nice to meet you.

THE GIRL: Nice to meet you too!

Exit THE GIRL.

ROBYN goes back to the mirror stand, stares wordlessly for a minute, and then laughs hysterically.

"Tardigrade" by Cosmo Sheldrake plays as blackout commences.