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Blooming Skull

Blooming Skull
Written by: AislerQuisling

Note: I'm not professional nor gifted when it comes to writing. I don't sugarcoat words either, so everything I'm gonna mention here is purely based on my opinion and on my knowledge, and I may have prob'bly missed some flaws, but I hope I could really help you to improve more. Keep writing!

Overall Comment:

Hi, thank you for patiently waiting!

The only points you want me to look at to is the technicalities (plus, you want me to be brutally honest), so lahat ng bagay na gusto kong sabihin ay dito ko na lang din babanggitin.

So where should I start?

First off, when I first read the blurb, I was already informed that this story is not the typical story that I'll read. And when I turned the next page, I was like, "Girl, you are not lying." Hahaha.

The way you choose your words is magnificent already. I already know the writer is in love with books just by reading her story. Ang ganda. Ang ganda ng metapora, ang ganda ng mga ginamit na salita. Naramdaman ko talaga ang nararamdaman ng mga karakter. Okay rin sa akin ang pagkakalahad ng mga pangyayari. Although some might be confused at the start when they read this story because of the involuntary recurrent memories, but the way you write it is just fine with me. This is actually what I want as I read your story. You are not spoonfeeding the readers. You let them imagine and feel the world that they're living in, which is kudos.

Kung saan-saan ako dinala bawat kabanata. Magkakahalong emosyon ang aking naramdaman. Minsan masaya, minsan malungkot, minsan masakit, minsan nakakagalit. Halo-halo.

But yeah, although the way you write is fantastic (I'm not overreacting 'cause this is the truth), I can say that not all readers can read it-which is I'm pretty sure you're already aware of it.

The story concept is vast. I hate that these things are really happening in real life. I hate that your characters are suffering. I hate that they are at the worst state of their lives right now. But that's the point, right? That's the point why you wrote this story. You're here to inform that the world is not all about rainbows and unicorns. This happens. I just wish everyone would read a story like this, although I think not all people are ready for this story.

Sana lang ay makita 'to lahat ng target audience mo, kasi it's a good read for me. Mabuti rin na naglagay ka ng disclaimer sa una kasi hindi lahat ng tao ay kayang basahin ang story na kagaya nito.

About your characters, their thoughts, their decisions, and their actions, I don't have a say here. I don't know a lot about psychology. I'm planning to write one (novel or epistolary) with this concept, but I will be needing a lot of research for that. Pero ayun nga, wala akong ibang masabi kundi maawa, magalit, malungkot, at maiyak sa kanila. They're just kids. How could these monsters do these things to them? The monsters took their innocence. Sumasakit ang puso ko para sa kanila.

In addition, naipakita rin nang maayos kung gaano kadimonyo ang ama, ang nakatatanda nilang kapatid, ang tiyuhin, at ang mga kaibigan nito. Kinakawawa ang mga babae at ang mga bata. Ang mga lalaki ay malalaswa, hindi makatao, at mga may ugaling basura.

Napakahirap bigyan ng hustisya. Hindi na ako magtataka kung maisipan nilang gumanti at patayin silang lahat.

Hindi rin kataka-taka kung bakit ganito ang mindset ng dalawang pangunahing character. Alannis tried to commit suicide. Seth wants to murder those people who made their lives a living hell. They can't be blamed eh. Maayos na naipakita kung ano'ng mga napagdaanan nila simula noong bata pa sila kaya makikita mo 'yung pattern kung bakit pakiramdam ko, mapupunta sila sa daang hindi dapat. And I know for sure this murder is not going to be their last (welp, I'm kind of assuming). Pero sa kakanood ko ng mga crime documentary, nagkakaroon na 'ko ng idea kung ano ang mga susunod na mangyayari. Diyan kasi lagi nag-uumpisa 'yan. Rough childhood. Rage. Vengeance. This is what drives them to do or to continue doing such things. I know Alannis didn't mean to kill that friggin' vermin, but when you started to do a thing, there's a high chance that you might do it again. It's like with sex, she did it once, did it twice, until she ended up liking it. It's a little disturbing given that she's still young, but that's what those monsters do to them. I can't blame them. Namulat sila kaagad kahit sa murang edad pa lang.