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Inherited Secret

Inherited Secret
Written by: ngnlblank

Note: I'm not professional nor gifted when it comes to writing. I don't sugarcoat words either, so everything I'm gonna mention here is purely based on my opinion and on my knowledge, and I may have prob'bly missed some flaws, but I hope I could really help you to improve more. Keep writing!

Overall Comment:

Hello there, kumusta? Pasensya na kung natagalan. Natatapos ko lang kasi ang pagki-critique kapag nasa mood at hindi na disorganized ang mga naiisip ko. Like a computer, sometimes, my mind also needs to be rebooted, too. It doesn't delete all the gathered data, but it helped me think way better than it used to. That's why after reading a story, I'd let it sit in my mind for a while, I'd take my time to digest everything and do other things I feel like doing, and when I finally feel like I want to let these words out of my mind, that's when I will grab my phone, type my draft, until I get the job done.

Anyway, enough with how I do my thing hahaha. Let's talk about the star of the night.

Your story is entitled, "Inherited Secret." Out of all the words that you can use to make a title, you chose the words, inherited and secret. The title itself is enough to grab my attention. It already screams mystery and ambiguity. The cover also gave me an idea that this isn't going to be a light story, and when I finally read the blurb, the title makes sense.

A lady named Damara seeks more information about her sister's death, which means that there are hidden secrets lying and waiting to be discovered that might shock each one of 'em to their cores. She also wants to avenge her sister's death, which also means that she will fall on different types of danger as she gets close to knowing all the truths.

On the other hand, there is a detective named Lucas who's also tracking his father's whereabouts after his questionable disappearance.

Both characters want to find the scattered pieces of the puzzle. Their strings will be pulled closer to each other to discover one or more shocking truths.

Sure, the idea itself is not really new to me, but that didn't stop me from peeking what is inside (aside from the fact that I really have to read it hahaha). But from my reader's perspective, if I don't have to make a critique of it and I'm just a simple reader who's looking for a story to read, there is a chance that I might choose this. You add a scoop of mystery in it, a spoonful of waiting-to-be-discovered secrets and ticking surprises, a speck of adventure, and a pinch of thrill. It's obvious that it's my cup of tea.

So sabihin na natin na nakuha na nito ang atensyon ko. Papasukin ko na ang lagusan papunta sa kanilang mundo. Makikilala ko na ang mga nabanggit na karakter. Makakasalamuha at masasabayan ko na sila sa bawat hakbang na kanilang gagawin.

And after reading the contents of the story, I can say that it already caught my interest. Prologue pa lang ang nababasa ko pero alam ko nang mahu-hook ako sa nilalaman ng kwento. Despite all the grammatical error and other technicalities that I've seen (I'll tell more about it later), if I'll focus on the story and the way you narrate each part of it, I can confirm that it is indeed captivating and interesting. Maayos ang pagkaka-deliver. The exchange of lines are also good. No dull moment for me. It's like it wants me to pay attention because if I won't, I might miss something important no matter how little or big it is.

In addition to that, I've felt the thrill, which is something that you should feel when you are reading a mystery story. Like the characters, I'm also intrigued and hungry for the truths that they have yet to be discovered. Plus, the characters are also captivating. I enjoyed most of Gallard's and Lucasʼ parts because a) my mind was indeed functioning when they're solving an intriguing case b) their friendship looks genuine and c) I love how they talk to one another. Na-enjoy ko rin naman ang path na tinatakahak ni Damara kasama sina Cecelion, Lanna, Silver (isama na rin natin si Dada at ang tribe ng pamilya ni Lanna). Hindi pa man nagkikita sina Lucas at Ara ngunit nakakasabik na ring malaman kung paano mo sila pagtatagpuing dalawa.