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Fifteenth Summer

Fifteenth Summer
Written by: girlinparis

Note: I'm not professional nor gifted when it comes to writing. I don't sugarcoat words either, so everything I'm gonna mention here is purely based on my opinion and on my knowledge, and I may have prob'bly missed some flaws, but I hope I could really help you to improve more. Keep writing!

Overall Comment:

Heya, thank you so much for waiting! Ngayon na lang ulit ako nakapag-log in sa account na 'to.

Alam kong gusto mong malaman kung ano ang pananaw ng isang mambabasa sa kwentong iyong isinulat. Natagalan man ay sana'y iyong mapatawad. Sadyang naparami lamang ang ganap sa aking buha—ay charot. Bakit nga ba ganito ako magsalita? Hahaha.

Anyway, sa totoo lang ay nagustuhan ko kung paano mo inumpisahan ang kwento. Nanunundot ng kuryosidad. Nakakasabik malaman kung sino ba talaga ang nakatuluyan niya. I'm sure you want to put some mystery in it. That's actually one of many ways on how to get the reader's interest. And it did get mine. Sino sa kanila ang lalaking nakapanakit sa kanya at sino-sino sa kanila ang nasaktan niya. The main concept is kind of typical, but what's inside is what matters most.

The flow of the story is at moderate. It's not slow nor fast. The narration is also good. Ang daming hugot na words kaya halos lahat ay makaka-relate. Ngunit, subalit, datapwat . . . (ayan, kinakabahan na siya, char), maaaring magkaproblema tayo sa love story sa pagitan ng menor de edad at nasa tama na ang edad. Don't get me wrong, I believe age doesn't matter and you can fall in love with a person who's older than you, but the female protagonist is just fifteen, right? Her adoration for an older guy is just fine. Wala tayong problema riyan. Ngunit may mga reader na against sa konsepto kung saan naipapakita sa istorya na "medyo" nase-sexualize ang menor de edad na babae sa mga mata ng isang lalaki (for example, nakatitig si eighteen-year-old guy or nineteen-year-old guy sa mga labi ng isang menor de edad (below 18) na babae). So kahit madalas man tayong kiligin sa mga ganyang senaryo, mahaharangan pa rin ito ng sariling pananaw ng isang reader dahil para sa kanya ay hindi dapat niro-romanticize ito. Although not all readers are like this (lahat naman ay may kanya-kanyang cup of tea), ngunit ang akin lamang ay maaaring ito ang magiging problema kung bakit hindi magpatuloy si reader sa pagbabasa nito. I'm not sure if you're already aware of this, but I just feel like mentioning. Since perspective ng isang reader ang usapan dito, marapat lamang na aking banggitin.

But that doesn't mean you can't write a story, ha? You can actually write, and you're good at this! My favorite parts are with Elias. He's just a likeable character for me. The main protagonist is always the mysterious guy, but that guy who knows what he wants is just better for me hahaha. Though I'm not sure if he has a thing for Nath, but he might like her sooner or later. I'm 97% sure of that.

Pero iyon nga, natutuwa ako kung paano mo isinulat ang pagbabatuhan nila ng mga linyahan. Isa ito sa mga strength mo as a writer dahil sobrang natural lang ng asaran nila para sa akin. Maayos din ang narration. Malinis at maganda ang pagkakapasok ng susunod na senaryo. Straightforward at masarap sa mata kung basahin ang istraktura kung paano mo ito naisulat. Wala na akong maisip na descriptive words kundi puro positibong mga salita. That's how I like your way of writing. Kudos for that.

As for the characters, let's start with Nathalia since she's the main protagonist of this story. Her character for me is like a bud who's slowly turning to a beautiful flower. That's the main concept of this story, right? She's supposed to be young. She's supposed to be innocent. She's supposed to be like this. She happens to fall in love with an older guy who doesn't want to fall in love with her. That's her character and that's the story. She's just the way she is. She's not perfect, but she might be us whom we could relate to. Wala na akong ibang masasabi sa kanya bukod diyan. Sana lang ay si Elias ang piliin niya kasi kung ayaw niya, pakipasok ako sa istorya at ako na lang ang aagaw sa puso niya. Charut hahaha.