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Pieces of Her

Pieces of Her
Written by: YR41GHT

Note: I'm not professional nor gifted when it comes to writing. I don't sugarcoat words either, so everything I'm gonna mention here is purely based on my opinion and on my knowledge, and I may have prob'bly missed some flaws, but I hope I could really help you to improve more. Keep writing!

Plot of the Story:

Hello thank you so much for waiting! Ang tagal mong naghintay, 'no? I sincerely apologise for that. The only good thing about it is mas marami akong nabasang chapter kaysa no'ng time na nagpasa ka ng form, but still, hindi pa rin tamang napaghintay ko kayo nang matagal. Hopefully, hindi sumama ang loob mo sa akin. Babawi ako, promise!

Anyway, about your story, the concept is no longer new to me, but I'm still a sucker for this. I mean, who wouldn't, right? A girl who just wants to be alone meets a guy who has some sort of a golden retriever personality - this is just my type of thing!

Goods din ang flow ng story. Hindi mabilis, hindi mabagal, sakto lang. Kitang-kita kung paano ma-develop ang character ng pangunahing tauhan at kung paano nag-improve ang relationship nila ni Alas.

The ideas or the events in the story scream uniqueness and originality, which is a plus point to me. Alam mo naman, madalas sa mga story na gaya nito ay paulit-ulit na lang ang ganap at nagamit na ng iba. But yours is different. The concept may not be new, but the contents are authentic. Halata na nanggaling ito mismo sa iyong imahinasyon at hindi lang parang kinopya lang sa iba. Mas lalo ko tuloy na-enjoy ang kwento dahil maku-curious ka kung ano pa bang mga gagawing pakulo ni Alas just to get Manila out of her own shell. Bukod do'n ay ang wise din ng mga linyahan. Marami ang makaka-relate at may matututuhan sa iyong mga naisulat. Your writing style is also good. The narration is superb. Wala akong negatibong masasabi sa paraan mo ng pagsusulat kasi okay ito at enough ito para ma-entertain si reader sa pagbabasa.

But since hindi pa totally tapos ang kwento, hindi ko pa mabibigyan ng opinyon kung may nakita ba akong plothole o wala. So far, I really like the flow of it (keep it up). What I know right now is they're having a good bond and nagkakaroon na rin sila ng attachment sa isa't isa. It would no longer be a wonder if they would fall for each other eventually, but their friendship, right now, is enough for them, I think. It does seem like contented na sila sa relationship nila ngayon, but I hope hindi sila masyadong magpakampante dahil may potensyal talaga sila. From strangers, hate the guts of the other, and now, friends, I would love to see them realizing how much they like each other. Kay Alas, mukhang walang magiging problema, pero kay Manila, I'm curious kung paano niya iyon mari-realize.

Hmm, what else?

Tungkol do'n sa issue ng father ni Manila at ang family niya, it does make sense kung bakit sila umalis at kung paano nag-react si Manila no'ng nagpunta ang tatay niya sa probinsya para humingi ng tawad at para sabihin na umuwi na sila sa kanila. I don't know what will happen next. Nabanggit naman na tatapusin nila ang studies nila sa probinsya, and the conflict between her family has already been solved. Now, I wonder kung ano naman ang kay Alas. Pero mamaya ko na babanggitin ito sa characterization kasi baka wala na akong masabi roon 'pag nagdaldal pa ako rito hahaha.

Anyway, iyon lang naman! What's next is up to you, writer-nim. Salamat sa pag-create mo ng story na 'to and continue to write it 'til the end!

Characterization:

1. Manila - I like her character. She's somehow consistent and relatable, especially for those people who also distance themselves away from others. Main character na main character ang datingan ni Siyudad kahit hindi siya ang nawawalang anak ng mayamang CEO at hindi siya na-kidnap (joke po 'yan, mais lang, cheret). You could also see that the choices she made is slowly changing her unknowingly. Natututo na siyang mag-open up sa iba and that's thanks to Ace for being so persistent. May pagkakataon din na minsan, nagiging admirable si Alas sa paningin niya at sana talaga'y magtuloy-tuloy iyan (obviously, sh-in-i-ship ko sila hahaha). But yeah, kuntento na ako sa kung paano mo hinulma ang character niya. If may plano ka pa for her, hahayaan na kita't hindi na kita papakialaman.