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His Unplanned Possession

His Unplanned Possession
Written by: Naczlie

Note: I'm not professional nor gifted when it comes to writing. I don't sugarcoat words either, so everything I'm gonna mention here is purely based on my opinion and on my knowledge, and I may have prob'bly missed some flaws, but I hope I could really help you to improve more. Keep writing!

Overall Comment:

Hi, good day! Thank you so much for patiently waiting. I don't really know how to start hahaha. The only points you want me to look up to is about your writing style, if the first five parts of the story are boring, and if the plot is already showing.

First off, I know how it feels like to worry about our written works. Parehas tayong writer at ang unang pinoproblema ko lagi ay kung meron bang tatangkilik sa kwentong isinulat ko. Alam naman natin na bukod sa cover at blurb ng kwento, mahalagang panghatak ang umpisa ng kwento. It's like asking a person to buy your homemade products. You need to make an effort, so people would buy. You need your product to be good, to be better, 'yon bang hindi sila manghihinayang sa pera at oras na inilaan nila para bilhin at gamitin ang produkto mo. Gano'n din sa isinusulat nating kwento. Kailangan, hindi lang ito mangangalabit sa masa; dapat sinisiguro rin nito na mahihikayat at mags-stay sila. That's why the opening, introduction or prologue is really important. Ito ang entrance papunta sa mundong nilikha ng iyong malikot na isipan. Ito ang pinto kung saan papasok ang mga mahihikayat. Ito ang magiging basehan nila para ipagpatuloy ang pagbabasa ng iyong kwento. It should be well-written and well-thought of. It should pique someone's interest. It should make the readers read more of its contents. Gano'n ito kaimportante kasi rito nabubuo ang desisyon kung mananatili ba silang basahin ang susunod na nilalaman.

About your story, you've started it by showing the future. I actually like that. It will make the readers curious of what really happened before this scenario happened. It's like showing what happened after, then if you want to know more, you have to continue reading the story to know how it actually began or why did it end like this. Goods ang intro for me.

As for the next parts of the story, I think iwasan mo lang siguro na magdagdag ng mga parte na hindi naman importante or hindi naman makakaapekto sa story. Pansin ko rin kasi na random din ang pagpasok ng scene sa kwento. Kumbaga one moment, nasa bahay pa siya ni Zaydon (for example) tapos bigla-bigla na lang mapupunta sa susunod na setting (sa school) kahit wala pang masyadong ipinakitang ganap do'n sa huling scene. Like, what's the essence of showing that part? Is it just to show that the two characters really interact with each other kahit saglit lang? I know, every interaction of two characters in a romantic story is very important, but it is also important to write it creatively. Hindi 'yung sh-in-are mo lang ito tapos parang dinaanan lang ang scene. So please, use more words why this small interaction is very important to show. Maybe add some more details and remove parts that don't really affect the story. Just be more creative in writing necessary scenarios.

Sa nabasa ko, although hindi naman boring ang kwento para sa akin ngunit hindi pa gano'n katindi ang connection ko sa mga character. Siguro kasi wala pa masyadong interaction between the two characters kahit may nangyari na sa kanila, char. Pero wala pa ako sa point na I'm already rooting for them. But I think that's fine, kasi umpisa pa lang naman. Walong kabanata pa lang ang nabasa ko at wala pa rin naman silang nararamdaman para sa isa't isa, so I think that's just fine. For sure ay makikitaan din natin ng improvement ang dalawa sa mga susunod na kabanata kaya magpatuloy ka lang. Just always keep in mind that readers need to feel that even though they're just readers, they should feel that they are in their world, too. Hindi lang mga character mo ang dapat magkaroon ng koneksyon sa isa't isa, dapat ay mararamdaman din namin na may koneksyon din kami sa kanila.