Critique Shop (CLOSED)

Along With a Felon

Along With a Felon
Written by: evrryever

Note: I'm not professional nor gifted when it comes to writing. I don't sugarcoat words either, so everything I'm gonna mention here is purely based on my opinion and on my knowledge, and I may have prob'bly missed some flaws, but I hope I could really help you to improve more. Keep writing!

Overall Comment:

Heya, thank you so much for waiting! As usual, I don't know how to begin (ano ba'ng bago? Hahaha). But may I commend you for writing such a good fantasy story. I know it's not yet finished, but you already did a great job writing it. Kudos! It's like I was reading an international fantasy novel, which I rarely do now 'cause life... (if you know what I mean). Magandang reading experience ang naibigay nito para sa akin kaya maraming salamat sa pagbabahagi ng kwentong ito kahit wala pa itong katapusan at maaaring marami pang mangyari sa kwento. :)

You see, I really admire those who can write a fantasy story. It requires skills and knowledge just to make sure that readers will exactly visualize the actions, their world, and all the peculiar scenarios that you want us to imagine from reading. Madalas pa nga'y kailangan mong mag-research para lang maging accurate ang representation sa istoryang isinusulat. Plus, hindi lang ito kakaiba, dinadala ka pa nito sa isang mundo na hindi pamilyar. Para mong pinapasok ang may nais na sumilip sa isang lagusan kung saan nananahan ang mahika at mga bagay na ibang-iba sa sistemang nakasanayan. Everything should be well thought of and every truth has its own time to be revealed. Hindi lang character building ang importante rito kundi pati na rin ang worldbuilding at timing. Kaya lubos talaga akong humahanga sa mga sumusulat ng ganitong klaseng kwento dahil matinding effort at plano ang kailangan para sa istoryang kagaya nito.

At sa istoryang isinulat mo? Masasabi ko na napakaayos talaga ng pagkakalahad mo sa kwento. Your choice of words are easy to understand. You also know how to start a chapter and how to end it with a simple yet impactful line. It made me want to read the next chapter more, not only because I need to, but because either a) I want some answers b) I'm curious about their next move c) I want to read more of their bickering hahaha and d) because of your writing. You even know how to use punctuation marks properly, which makes it even more exquisite.

So do I have to state the obvious?

I like your style in writing. Sobrang linis to the point na halos wala akong na-jot down sa notes ko para magsilbing guide ko sana sa critique na tinitipa ko ngayon. I got to empathize with your characters and feel what they're feeling. I even want to enter their world just to hug Khoi when he lost Snow, but of course, all I could do is to hope that someone finds him and comfort him for me. Don't even get me started about Lix's-I don't know-fate? I fear for his future. Thinking about how their plan might drain his mana and/or his life force makes me want to shed a bucket of tears for him. Gano'n ako ka-attach sa characters ng kwentong ito kaya masasabi kong effective ka talaga as a writer at nagustuhan ko kung paano mo isulat ang kwentong ito. Kudos!

The plot is interesting, engaging, and it's not confusing to read. The flow of the story is also easy to follow. From the way Khoi has been introduced and got recruited by Lix (who's well known as the felon that they can't seem to catch) down to Snow's death and to the part where they discuss and execute Lix's big plan. I just like how you write the series of events here. They are very informative and thought-provoking. Marami mang tanong ang nabuo sa isipan ko ngunit isa-isa na rin naman itong nabibigyan ng sagot.

I know there is no way in hell I could read your mind, and in the recent chapter, it looks like my favorite true heroes are winning (yei!). However, it ain't over 'til it's over. Alam kong planado ang lahat ngunit hindi lang sina Lix and company ang may plano, paniguradong sila rin. Kung malagpasan man nila ito ngayon, hindi natin masasabi kung gano'n din sa susunod. Freeing the poor, innocent children won't end the Winter Project. They have to exploit them and to scream it to the world that the so-called heroes are doing this notorious act all along. We now knew where they do it and what they're doing, but the "why" question still lingers in me.