Young Volcanoes || DaveJohn AU

Pimp your shit

Your name is John Egbert and holy shit that was awkward. Now you and Dave are getting dressed in the same room for the second time. He's digging through his bag, pulling out new clothes. He throws out a pair of black shinny jeans that have multiple rips and chain loops at the top. He also tosses out a red shirt with a broken record design on it. The last article to hit the floor is a red and black flannel shirt that looks a little big for him. You pick out your t-shirt with a green ghosty on it and a pair of loose jeans. You sneak another peek at Dave when he slips his pants off. Damn. That's a fine ass. He still has on boxers but dayum. Out of no where, Dave turns around and starts singing,

"I'm sexy and I know it!" And starts dancing around. You roar off your own pants and do the same. Wow this is really...really gay. Two guys dancing around in their underwear singing 'sexy and I know it'. You trip over your own feet and land on the floor. "Noooo! The mighty sex god has fallen!" Dave says in an over dramatic voice. You laugh and stand back up.

"Why do people even wear clothes? What's the point? We know what's under there, why not show it?"

"Because, John, little dorks like you will see some hot dude and get a raging boner and there'll be no hiding it. That's why."

"I don't get a boner /every time/ I see a hot dude." Dave places his and on your shoulder.

"Sure you don't. Look down." You don't even look down, you just curl up on the floor.

"Shut up..."

"It's okay, babe." Did he just call you babe? He moves fast. Dave kisses your forehead and goes back to slip on his jeans. You pull yours on and they hit the floor. Great. You grab a belt from a drawer and pull it as tight as it goes. The pants hit the floor again. Why does this always happen? You have been cursed with tiny hips. You sigh and grab the black suspenders from the drawer. You put on a jacket over your shirt to keep them from being seen. "Dude, are you wearing suspenders?"

"Maybe."

"I'm taking you shopping. That's ridiculous. Also, your clothes are lame, no offense. We're gonna pimp your style." He looks so cool in his hipster outfit. He has a grey beanie covered in pins with band names on it that you've never heard of: Asking Alexandria, Sleeping with Sirens, Black Veil Brides, My Chemical Romance, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, Linkin Park, and Green Day. You own one of those stupid rainbow hats with a little spinny thing on top. You put it on and Dave falls to the floor laughing.

"What?"

"YOU LOOK SO GAY RIGHT NOW YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE IT and I don't mean that as a derogatory term, yOU LOOK LIKE A FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL." Dave stands back up and fixes his hat. You shake your head until the hat flies off. As it comes off, you go,

"Pschooooooo" and it hits the ground.

*Le Time Skip to the Mall*

You walk out of the dressing room, nearly waddling in the tight jeans. Dave is staring at the wall outside the room. He looks at you and sighs.

"Dude, I can see your dick. Go try another pair." You blush and shuffle back into the room. You take off the jeans, sighing with relief. You pull on a bigger pair. They have a slim fit but the fabric sits comfortably on your legs. There's a rip in the left thigh that shows the small amount of muscle there. You walk out shyly and Dave turns to look. "Perfect. Get several pairs. Those look swagalicious."

"Swagalicious?"

"Hell yeah. Let's get this stuff paid for and get some homework done so the teachers aren't pissed when we get back." He picks up the other bags full of clothes and smirks at you. You grab your original pants and change into them as fast as you can. You jog out to catch up with Dave. He puts his arm over your shoulders and you walk close to him.

"Thanks for taking me shopping, Dave."

"No problem, Egderp." He ruffles your hair, which you hate, and you playfully push him. He knocks you to the side with his shoulder and you do the same back. You laugh and see two girls walking towards you. The first girl has short and curly brick red hair, hazel eyes and is on the heavier side. The other girl has short dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes. The red-head laughs and says,

"Haha, GAY!!!" The other girl doubles over laughing. Dave walks up to them, keeping his cool.

"Dafuq?" He says, shrugging.

"Hey, no judgement. We're gay as fuck." She grabs the blonde's hand and pulls her close.

"Just pointing out our fellow gays." The blonde says, shrugging.

"How did you know?" You ask, stepping forwards.

"Pft. It's obvious. Just embrace the homo. Also, you two are adorable. See you around." They walk away and you stare at Dave. He just laughs and grabs your hand, pulling you to checkout.

After paying, you left the store to find Bro in his jeep outside. He took you and Dave back to the Strider'a house. He had picked up your homework and had it ready. Ugh. There's a lot of it...wait. What is up with Bro's hair?

"Dude, what happened to your hair? You have sex hair-oh God. Please tell me you didn't-"

"Mr. English has a bit of a hair-pulling kink. I like it."

"BROOO!" You cover your ears in absolute horror and almost start crying as you drive back home.