(NOTE: For the sake of this chapter, let's just pretend that BFB is set inside a multi-level building.)
Four: *wedging doors shut, warming handles with blowtorch*
Four: Last week, I gave a fire safety talk, and nobody paid any attention. It's my own fault for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring. People learn in lots of different ways, but experience is the best teacher.
Four: *pours lighter fluid into a waste bin, lights a cigarette* Today, smoking is gonna save lives. *throws it in and starts a fire*
---
Everybody: *doing their own thing*
Four: ...Does anyone smell anything smoky?
Flower: *not looking up from her sewing* Did you zap that tree again?
Four: *clears throat*
Bubble: *looks up, sees smoke* OH MOI GOD! Uh, oh moi God! *points at smoke*
Woody: FIRE!
Four: Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people?
Bubble: *picks up phone* The phones are dead!
Four: Oh, how did that happen?
X: It's out in the hall!
Four: No, we don't know that! The smoke could be coming through an air duct!
Gelatin: OH MY GOD! Okay, it's happening! Everybody, stay calm!
Four: What's the procedure, everyone?
Gelatin: Stay calm!
Four: What's the procedure!
Gelatin: STAY FUCKING CALM!!!! *barges towards door*
Four: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-
Gelatin: EVERYBODY, FUCKING CALM DOWN! *reaches for door handle*
Four: NO! NO, GELATIN, NO! Touch the handle; if it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway.
Gelatin: *puts his hand on the door handle* ...What does warm mean?
Bubble: Oh moi gosh, troi the other door!
Everyone: *yelling*
Four: Hmmmm, not a viable option! What next?
Everyone else: *starts moving towards the other door*
Gelatin: DON'T RUN!
Four: Oh, here's a door! Check that one out! How's the handle?
Ruby: *taps her hand on the handle* I-I-It's warm!
Lollipop: Okay, go to the back door!
Four: Well, uh, another option- *gets trampled by objects*
Leafy: Oh, I forgot my purse!
Blocky: LEAVE IT, WOMAN!
Gelatin: Get out of the way! Go, go, go!
Four: Things can be replaced, Leafy! People, lives, however, can- *realizes nobody is listening and just goes along with them*
Taco: *touches handle, then pulls back hand quickly* AH! My hand! That's hot!
Ruby: Aah! This one's hot too!
Gelatin: Okay, we're trapped! EVERYONE FOR HIMSELF!
Objects + X: *start panicking and running in different directions*
Four: Okay, okay- Calm, please! Have you ever seen a burn victim?
Ruby: MOVE IT!!!
Four: Okay, procedure, procedure! *yelling out instructions*
Taco: *pushes up ceiling panel, pulls herself up and climbs into the air duct*
Flower: Taco! TACO!
Taco: STAY ALIVE! I'M GETTING HELP!
Flower: Pull me up!
Taco: You're too heavy!
Flower: I ONLY WEIGH 82 POUNDS!
Taco: *crawls away*
Flower: SAVE RUBY! *picks up Ruby and throws her into the air duct*
Ruby: *yelps, crashes through the ceiling and falls to the floor*
Flower: *yells and runs towards her*
Four: How about 911, anyone? 911?
Gelatin: *rips blinds off of window, throws chair at window*
*The window doesn't break*
Gelatin: ...
Spongy: *breaks vending machine, grabs all of the snacks as quickly as possible*
Lollipop: *coughing*
Bubble: What do we do?!
Four: USE THE SURGE OF FEAR AND ADRENALINE TO SHARPEN YOUR DECISION-MAKING!
Lollipop: Okay, I am not dying here. Come on. *pulls Bubble by the hand*
Four: *lights firecrackers and drops them on the floor*
Objects + X: *shouting and coughing*
Flower: What is that, what is that?!
Ruby: THE FIRE'S SHOOTING AT US!!!
Leafy: WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS GOING ON?!
Four: *pulls fire alarm*
Several objects: *trying to pull out copier*
X: Let's try this!
Ruby: Battering ram!
Taco: *crashes through the ceiling, dangles legs as she tries to hold on*
Everyone else: *SCREAMING, PANICKING*
Ruby: GO, GO, GO!
X and Ruby: *ram copier into door*
Flower: *shrieks*
Gelatin: *throws projector out window, breaking glass*
Gelatin: *leans out of the window* HEEEEELP!!! HEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!
Woody: *clutching chest* OH, GOD! I'M ABOUT TO DIE!
Four: *blows air horn*
Objects: *go silent*
Four: ATTENTION!!!! CONTESTANTS OF BATTLE FOR B.F.B.! THIS HAS BEEN A TEST OF OUR EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS! THERE IS NO FIRE, IT WAS ONLY A SIMULATION!
Lollipop: WHAT?!
Four: Fire not real, this was merely a training exercise!
Taco: *drops down from ceiling and lands on her feet*
Four: So, what have we learned?
Woody: *collapses*
Objects + X: *run towards Woody*
Four: Oh, come on, Woody! It's not real! Don't have a heart attack!
Gelatin: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU WILL NOT DIE. WOODY! WOODY! YOU WILL NOT DIE! WOODY! I'm gonna give him mouth-to-mouth!
Blocky: No, no, NO! DON'T give him mouth-to-mouth for this!
Gelatin: He's gonna swallow his tongue! Open your mouth! *shoves wallet in Woody's open mouth*
Lollipop: No, Gelatin, Gelatin!
Gelatin: DON'T SWALLOW IT!
Objects + X: *yelling in protest, trying to pull Gelatin off of Woody*
Gelatin: I'M FINE, LEAVE ME ALO- I'M SAVING HIM!
YOU ARE READING
Random Object Show Stuff
FanfictionJust a book to jot down my random thoughts and headcanons. Will add tags as I add chapters. WARNING: A lot of these are really random. (Credit to Panit on clipartkey for the cover.)
