𝑰𝑴𝑨𝑮𝑰𝑵𝑬𝑺 - måneskin

thomas raggi

"you are pregnant with your boyfriend Thomas, and you are about to give birth"

(your name is lili)

***

"Where the fuck is that stupid guy", I'm dying over here and my boyfriend is not here. Victoria and a nurse hold my hand. "He went smoking, damiano went to get him", Vic tells me where he is. I try to breathe away the constractions. "He can smoke every fucking second, but not now". I close my eyes and squeeze in Vic her hand. Tears in my eyes, the pain is unbearable. "Fuck, fuck, fuck this hurts so much", my little girl is trying to get out of me.

"Baby, I'm here". Thomas runs into the room. "Please Tommy, make the pain go away", I grab his hand. "Just breathe in and out, and think about our little girl", he sounds desperate. Vic kisses my forehead, "we have to leave girl, you can do this. We wait at the hall". I smile at her.

Thomas sits next to me, he wipes the sweat of my forehead. He looks desperate at the nurse, "what can I do to help her?". I squeeze in the sheets of my hospital bed, while I massage my belly, "please please little girl, just come". The nurse finally answers Thomas. "Ask her what she wants, massage her shoulder or hold her in your arms. It's her choice", I hear what the nurse says to Thomas.

"Baby, tell me how I can h-help", I hear he is scared. He is scared seeing me in so much pain. I can't respond. He lays down on the bed, and grabs me in his arms. "sshh baby, breathe in and out". I do what he says. I focus on his breath. He massages my stomach. The nurse smiles at me.

"Lili, it's gonna take while. I'm coming back in an hour to look if your ready. You can take a shower if you want. Most women say that works". I can't believe that I have to keep feeling this pain. The nurse walks away.

I'm only 22, Thomas is 24. I should be getting drunk and be partying with friends, but instead I'm waiting for my little girl to come into the world. It was a surprise. We were just stupid enough to forget a condom. "You want to take a shower, lils?", Thomas asks and I nod at him. He helps me up. Tears of pain come up in my eyes. Thomas undresses me, and turns on the shower.

He wants to walk away when I stand in the shower. "Please don't leave, please", I feel the hot water on my skin. He undresses himself and joins me in the shower. "I won't leave", he massages my stomach and gives me kisses on my hair. The nurse was right, it helps to breathe through the constractions.

Thomas is so insanly sweet. He dries me off after the shower and helps me in my underwear. The only thing I focus on is my breath. I lean against his chest and breath in and out. "You are doing to great baby". He strokes my back and kisses my forehead.

I thought it was getting better, but now I lay down again it hurts again so much. "No, no Tommy I need to stand", I start panicking. I have no idea what to do, it is my first kid. When I stand I don't feel the pain that much. "You want some music?" He holds me in his arms. "yes please, and I'm cold". He puts on the radio, and I hear maneskin music coming out of the radio. He pulls a blaket around me and I lean against him.

"Come l'aria mi respireraiIl giorno che ti nasconderòDentro frasi che non sentiraiChe l'errore tuo è stato amarmiCome se domani il mondo fosse ugualeA com'era ieri
Ma adesso lasciami credere che questo sia realeChe sento l'ansia che saleBevo le lacrime amareTi prego lasciami perdereDentro l'acqua del mareChe le parole lontaneGiuro te le voglio urlarePerché ti sento lontanaLontana da mePerché ti sento lontanaLontana da mePerché ti sento lontanaLontana da mePerché ti sento lontana da me"