Lovers

Ch. 39: till it happens to you

till it happens to you- Lady Gaga

'Til your world burns and crashes. Til you're at the end, the end of your rope. 'Til you're standing in my shoes, I don't wanna hear nothing from you. From you, from you, 'cause you don't know. 'Til your world burns and crashes. 'Til you're at the end, the end of your rope. Til you're standing in my shoes, I don't wanna hear nothing from you. From you, from you, 'cause you don't know.

TW: talks of rape and sexual assault.

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This is dangerously close, laying awake in a lion's den. But what do I expect? Do I want justice, or is it peace I crave? I want to wrong my sins by helping everyone, but what if they didn't want or need my help. I pick at a scab just for the fun of it. No one protested. But I tricked Serena and Isa for my benefit.

I overthink too much.

I don't hate Dawson. I know I should, but my share of hate is divided into many. At this point, I hate the society in which Dawson and I live in. A community strives upon mini good deeds that are granted rewards but don't hold people accountable. Where No means maybe not. It's not definitive.

I ask Serena on the way over to the police station the same question I ask myself constantly, "Do you hate him?" I'm aware I might already know the answer.

"Dawson?"

I nod my head before looking out at the window, the dark skies swallowing us whole. Jake and Alice are in the front seats, and Isa is with Ben and Lana in a car behind us. Alice has been silent, giving Serena and me a soft smile to ease our worry every few minutes. Sure we haven't resolved everything, but she will always be on my side. I can count on her.

Serena finally says, "I thought I did, but last night I couldn't sleep, and my brain was going in every direction. I blamed myself for so long. I should hate him. Maybe I do, but it's hard for me to feel anything besides annoyance of my own annoyance. Complex, right?"

I chuckle, nodding my head.

"I just want him to admit what he did was wrong," Serena breathlessly says, and I connect our eyes. Her eyes are glossy, and her mouth barely holds back a barrier of the sadness she wants to let go of. "I want him to believe it."

"It's okay to let go. To cry," I assure her.

A tear comes and goes quickly on her cheek. She swipes it away, "I need to be strong."

"Just because you cry does not make you any less strong. Vulnerability is power."

"Okay, college girl. Enough with the sob shit, please." She scoffs, trying to cover the pain. I can see a slight smile as she turns to her car window.

It takes a few minutes more to reach the Underground. Jake looks back at the both of us, a small, sad smile at Serena and me, "You ready?"

"What's the plan again?" Serena nearly hiccups.

"Donahue, my associate from the Underground, has a warrant for Dawson's arrest for some made-up charges."

"That's extreme," Serena says.

"Yeah, well, the guy owes me for letting his little brother leave the Underground. He's been trying to escape for a few years, but Donahue didn't have much pull when it comes to that strict rule. So when you dismiss a fighter, it's a pretty big deal. I told him the situation. He got Dawson. Each one of you will be able to confront Dawson. And he will be put in jail for as long as he can."

"How is any of this legal?" Serena stresses.

"It's not, but I have connections. Don't tell me you want to pull out now, Lopez?"