Shedding The Armour | A Kanej Fanfiction

chapter one - gloveless

Kaz limped along towards the hotel. He was purposefully slowing his pace, anxious about the meeting. It wasn't that he didn't want to meet them. It was just... for the first time, he actually wanted to make a positive memorable impression on someone, for someone to like him. And it wasn't just anyone, it was Inej's parents. He wanted them to like him. He wanted them to think he was good enough for his daughter, however broken a man he may be.

Matthias would have been able to help him with his strong Fjerdan morals - he would have been able to tell him how to act. Gods Matthias. By that point, everyone thought that they'd make it through, that they'd finish the job alive. But some bastard had shot him. The wounds on his body suggested he hadn't even tried to defend himself against the attack. It was a shock that had smothered the Crows' satisfaction of saving everyone's lives, because if Van Eck had ever gotten hold of the formula, all were as good as dead. It even repressed the happiness at which Kaz felt upon receiving his well-earned krüge. It had come as a blow to them all, especially Nina.

He felt incredibly sorry for her; he knew how elated she had been with Matthias at her side, it had brought a twinkle to her eyes. Truly a sickening twist of fate had befallen her: to find Matthias to lose him again, to free him and to lose him again, this time permanently from a place he may never return. Although, Nina never explicitly expressed her emotions, you could see the deadness and emptiness in her eyes when she went to tease Matthias, only to realise he wasn't there. He found it so difficult to console her, he was never good with emotions. That was Inej's area of expertise. He thanked every god every day that Nina had a firm friend like Inej to help her through her grief each day. A wan smile would wash Nina's face each time Inej came to sit beside her, each time she hugged her, each time she spouted one of her Suli proverbs.

Inej. He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed he was almost there. Looking down at his hands, he almost smiled. Today he hadn't worn his gloves while walking. They were still in his pocket but he would only use them if really needed today. For the past week, he had been trialing with not wearing his gloves for a while every so often. Today was the first time in ages that he was going gloveless for more than 15-20 minutes. However he wanted to pull himself into some semblance of a man before Inej, to be enough for her, to deserve her. He was doing this for her. For the brief moment their hands had intertwined, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. But, her rejection on their journey back from the ice court still stung some days. And when he lost sight of his goal some days, he would remind himself of the excruciating pain and heartbreak that followed, of the knowledge that he'd lose her. I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.

His leg was beginning to hurt and so he began to slightly drag his right leg behind him, leaning heavily on his crow cane. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the footsteps of someone creeping behind him. The last thing he saw before he blacked out was a hazy-looking long-bearded man standing over him. 

This is my first attempt at writing a story so it might not be great. Feel free to give me any improvements that i can make, i welcome them all☺️

~saachiherondalexx