Healer

Chapter 12

     Talia awoke just before the sun broke the horizon, the room cast in a soft grey light. Azriel lay in the same position she had left him the night before, his chest rising and falling steadily. She clenched her eyes shut for a moment, attempting to determine if she had dreamt their interaction or not. She knew she hadn't, she couldn't have thought up the way the scars across his knuckles stood out against his tan hands as they gripped his sheets, or his tired voice in the quiet room. This had been a mistake. She didn't regret being there when he needed someone, she wondered if Cassian had done the same for him, but she regretted climbing into his bed with him, as though she didn't understand her position and her boundaries. She left her stack of books, she would grab them later, and picked up her shoes without slipping them on. She quietly slid out the door, falsely hoping she wouldn't wake him and knowing he could hear everything in this house whether she was quiet or not. She went straight back to her room, not allowing herself to stop and think any further, and slid under her own blankets, sleeping the last few hours until breakfast.

     Azriel heard her get up and leave the room. He never moved, he didn't want her to know she had woken him. Her bare feet made their way to the door quickly, and he listened to them all the way down the hall and down the steps. He barely knew her, and yet how many times had she seen him at his most vulnerable? He shifted, running his hand through his hair, his frustrated tell. She was here to work, to do what the high lord had asked in exchange for the refuge, and freedom, he had offered her in the first place. Would he feel this way if he had successfully brought her back the night they met? Or if they had been able to take her with them when he was rescued? And she was a healer, it was her job to comfort, to have a good bedside manner, to stay calm and to be calming. But he had felt the nerves on her in the night, when he asked her to stay, when he asked her to come closer. Should he have just let her leave? It didn't matter now. He shouldn't feel that he had any claim over her power, or her time. Or her. Not when she came here seeking only her freedom. He was drawn to her because of her gentleness and perseverance, her quiet strength, and that's all it was. Maybe his own tired soul was seeking that, maybe that's why his nightmares chose her as their subject, because snuffing out a light like hers was such a horrible thing for the world to endure in his eyes. His eyes. Slowly, he blinked them open, noting the light beginning to fill his room. He turned his head toward the window, the fact that the window took shape sending him up into a sitting position. He could make out the separation of the wall and the floor length windows, and where the sofa cut the view. It wasn't much, but it was progress. Talia had said it wouldn't be much longer after the light started coming in. He laid back down and closed his eyes again, the thoughts he had woken to fading away.

     Talia barely made it out of bed in time to grab an apple from the kitchen and hurry to the ring. She smiled a hello at the others and settled in, the motion and difficulty of the training wiping her mind of the night before. By the time they were done, she had worked up a sheen, and she stood near the water table wiping her brow as Nesta approached her.

"You look good out there, Tal." Talia snapped a look at her at the sound of her shortened name. Something they all seemed to do. It made her feel like an insider somehow.

"Thank you." She said, still breathless. "I feel like I'm getting...some of it?" She chuckled. The two females made their way inside together.

"You are. Would you be interested in proper clothes? Fighting leathers, I mean." Talia stopped and so did Nesta. "The priestesses can't, it's against their rules, but you would be much more comfortable."

Talia just looked at her for a moment. Taking that step, being that invested, it really meant something. It occurred to her that Nesta probably knew that. She nodded in response. "How do I get some?"