Healer

Chapter 33

Talia leaned against the doorframe as Lucien walked back into the dining room and picked up the last of the dishes. Elain acknowledged him with a smile. A warm one. Azriel turned to catch Talia's eye but she had already turned back into the kitchen to prod Lucien.

"They were together before? Even though she was mated to you?"

All Talia felt was a sick sort of fascination but a pang of guilt went through her at the look on Lucien's face. "They were never together, so to speak. It was nothing." He turned to put something away. "The blood feud never came about."

"Blood feud?" Talia mumbled the question, as if to herself. Was it fair to wonder why he hadn't told her? Was it fair to wonder what else he hadn't told her? She didn't know what a blood feud was but it sounded like a pretty serious thing to get into for a relationship that was 'nothing'.

"Talia?" Lucien was now standing right in front of her. "I shouldn't have said anything. It's in the past. They're friendly, they're family, but there's nothing to worry about." His smile seemed genuine enough but his mate's was all she could see. It meant nothing, she was sure, like the red headed male had just told her, but doubt was like ivy on a stone wall. It cracked the foundation first.

Talia walked out of the kitchen, offered her own mate what she thought was at least a believable smile and walked out into the courtyard. They hadn't even been shown to their rooms and she felt the males had strategy to discuss. She didn't know where she was going but she found herself striding back toward the stable. The smell of horses reminded her of....she stopped herself. Her mind wanted to tell her they smelled like home. The home she was born in. Whatever foundation she had felt cracking in the manor lost a large chunk. She was so, so utterly lost, clinging to a male that was infinitely more complex than her tiny mind could handle as if he was going to straighten her path. As if he was going to be her home. Tears stung her eyes and it annoyed her. It felt childish. She brushed off the scene she had watched at the dining table, knowing she had no right to say who he could or could not have a colorful conversation with, blamed the jealousy on the gods-damned bond, and let the knowledge that he wasn't telling her everything fester like an open wound. She placed her hand on the warm neck of the mare she had ridden in on. Home. The pretty girl smelled like home. Home was many things, home changed over time, home was a feeling. And the foundation, it gets compromised, damaged, rebuilt. She let the tears come. Maybe she wasn't strong enough for this, or maybe her strength came from this aloneness, this lost feeling. Maybe this lost feeling was her home. She was small, her life was small, this fleeting earth quake of jealousy was small. She put her small face against the neck of the smallest horse in the stable and let her small, little tears fall in the dirt.

Lucien watched her walk out, and Azriel a moment after her saying they had a few things to discuss. As though it had been planned. His face stayed relaxed but he had sensed the change in Talia. Lucien took the shadowsinger's seat, still blackened by the remains of his strange wispy companions, and took Elain's hand.

"I love you." He said quietly.

She raised her eyebrows. She could sense his discomfort. "What did you do?"

Her voice was more tired than accusatory and he squashed the thought that said she sounded like his mother. "Nothing, I simply pointed out how her and I were in a strange position watching the two of you." Elain noted that there was no anger, no accusation in his tone, either. "It seems she was in the dark about that piece of history." He picked lint off of his waistcoat as if he were completely unbothered.

She nearly laughed. Lucien was unnaturally cunning, sly enough to earn the title 'Fox' among both enemy and ally, but it was often the situations directly under his nose where he stumbled. She squeezed his hand. "If she could see the way he looks at her, she would not worry." She kissed his cheek and stood. "I'll speak to her if needed." She pointed to her heart as she skirted the table. "I know what this thing can do to us. And I love you too, Lucien."