The Billionaire Recluse & The girl who stayed.

My girl.

~ Jasper ~

Got you—and honestly, that's a really good instinct. You don't need that to make the story powerful. It actually keeps Jasper more in character too 👏

Here's your rewritten version with that removed and the emotion focused on her injury and what they've both been through:

⸻

Jasper

Pain.

That was the first thing I noticed.

It wasn't sharp—it was everywhere.

Dull. Heavy. Deep in my bones.

Like my entire body had been dragged through hell and back.

I forced my eyes open slowly, the light hitting me too bright, too fast.

The ceiling.

Familiar.

White.

Still.

Hospital wing.

Home.

Then it hit me.

The mountain.

The gunshots.

Lexi.

My heart kicked violently in my chest.

"Lexi—" my voice came out rough, strained. "Lilly? Dr Greene? Anyone—"

"Easy, Mr Monroe."

Dr Bentley stepped into view, calm as ever, pen moving across his clipboard like nothing had happened.

"I'm glad you're awake," he added.

"I don't care about that," I snapped, trying to push myself up before pain shot through my side, forcing me back down. "Where is Lexi? Is she—"

My throat tightened.

"Is she alive?"

A pause.

Then—

"She's alive."

The breath I didn't realise I was holding left me instantly.

Alive.

Thank God.

"I'll get Dr Greene and Lilly," he continued. "They'll explain Miss Dover's condition."

Condition.

The word sat wrong.

Too heavy.

Too careful.

My jaw tightened.

"Go," I muttered.

He nodded and left.

I lay back, staring at the ceiling again, my mind racing.

Condition.

What condition?

Was she unconscious?

In a coma?

No... he said alive.

Alive means conscious.

Doesn't it?

My hands clenched slightly against the sheets.

Something wasn't right.

The door opened again.

Lilly.

Dr Greene.

They didn't speak straight away.