The Billionaire Recluse

Inside Jaspers head

~Jasper~his view on the kiss and whats going on in his mind |

Shit shit shit, lexi tried to kiss me I wish I could explain to her how I'm feeling in my fucked up head, Dr Greene has signed a confidentiality contract so she can't tell lexi anything, it's between me dr greene and Lilly. Lexi doesn't need to know how fucked up my head is, I stopped taking my medication the little voice in my head told me it's making me worse, but I think being off them is actually making me worse, all I want to do is drink alcohol, I want lexi god Damit I want all of her, but I'm pushing her away trying to save her from my miserable life, can't she see I'll only bring her misery?

Being near her drives me crazy, if only she knew how much I wanted her, I didn't want to push her away I wanted to kiss her I'm screaming at myself internally to kiss that beautiful woman, but I can't my heads in a mess, I must protect her from myself.

My world isn't what it was 10 years ago heck my head isn't what it was, I lost Too much my darling wife and unborn child, my dearest mother who I was so close to, it's true you know the saying 'mommy's boys' I really was and my dear father he was an arse sometimes but he was loving and understanding, my little brother and sister just children did not deserve to die, how is it they die and I get to live? How is that fair my child should of had a chance, my head is fucked from that alone, I may want lexi but i will make it known I don't want her push her away, that's something I'm good at.