Apartment

Apartment // Fifteen.

I stand silently, seeing the man I just admitted to loving admitting that he loves me. He's standing in front of my windowsill which means he climbed my fire escape.

It meas that he got there at the exact moment I admitted my love. I feel tired, my limbs are weak, so are my eyes and so is my mind. My purse slips off my arm dropping to the floor. I feel so sluggish I can't say a word, so he does.
"I suppose it's your right, shouldn't the creator have all the power? I am thankful for this new heart you've given me. I'm more thankful that you have stolen it. But as you're holding it, handle it carefully. I don't think it's very strong. In fact, I admit it's fragile, so if you happen to break it or if you must, which I beg of you not to, then go for it. I wouldn't want it in any others hands."

He walks towards me, he now inches away my face. He places his hand on my cheek leaning in, but I look away. My head is hanging down, I have no energy. "I slept with Chris and I don't want you to ignore that fact. I've slept with your best friend and I had almost slept with him again on my birthday."

"Don't. Luna you don't have to apologize, it's not like we're together. Sure it hurts but that is why I was here in the first place, but you have every right to do those things. I'm so glad I came," He says reassuringly.

He lifts my head up, I looking up at him "Harry was right" I say tearing up "I am slut."

"He's wrong, he's more of a slut than you'll ever be." Matty assures while he laughs.

Once again there's silence between us, I look into his eyes. "I love you" I whisper so softly not even my thin walls can hear. He grabs my small face between his large hands kissing me passionately, once again I feel weak and numb, in a good way. I feel as if I was going to melt into him again. But Matty doesn't let me fall, he carries me to the couch where he hovers on top of me, he whispers so lightly in my thin walled room "I love you."

Nothing happened, we are now laying on my bed, his legs dangling off and my [legs] towards the head board. We were basically yin and yang, but he's the good in the bad. He's the good in me. "I know I'm late, but I'm here now. I put my mother through hell; I hurt my brother as well. I was thinking about killing myself. I'm sorry but I rather be getting high than watching my family die. I'm doing something terrible to my body, I tear myself apart. My name is Matthew Healy, but call me Matty if you don't mind."

I face him, "nice to meet you Matty. I had sex with my best friend, then I slept with his best friend who he specifically told me not to, but I still did it. I fell in love with him as well. Oh yes, I also slept with my abusive ex-boyfriend (who I haven't fallen out of love yet) and I forgave him. I slept with him because I had just visited my family who I hadn't seen in years, I was reminded why I hated them. I wanted to tell my best friend but then she happened to be getting engaged so I couldn't make her sad so I took my sadness out by sleeping with someone. My name is Luna Soileau."

We both lie on our backs once more, "we're both really fucked up, aren't we?"

"Yes." I whisper.

"Why are you whispering?" He questions.

"Because I want to scream."

"Then do it."

"I can't" I admit. "These walls, they're too thin."

"Who gives a fuck? Do what you want to do!"

"I don't know what I want to do. Can I be honest with you?"

"Always."

"I've became what people expect. I don't want to be what they want me to be."

"An extraordinary girl once told me if I want to be someone to make it happen. She also told me if I wanted to stop being a drunk to stop it."